save tonight.

So, because I can't write a cheer to save my LIFE (I've tried, truly), I wrote this little diddy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A42b7CmDPQs

Go on and close your books now

Cause all we need is is scrabble time

You and me and a bucket of tiles

Gonna beat you tonight, for once

We got finals on the way

and how we wish it weren’t so

so come to qats and build words with me

let’s delay our misery

procrastinate

fight the break of dawn

come 130, you’ll be glad you took so long

play scrabble down doesn’t that sound fun

come 230, you’ll be glad you took so long

go on and close facebook now

and open up your books

you and me we’re gonna crank our some papers

gonna do work tonight

you know school isn’t going away

and how we wish it weren’t so

so take this wossle and drink with me

we can’t delay our misery

don’t procrastinate

or you’ll be up til the break of dawn

come december 16th you’ll be done

don’t procrastinate

sleep before the break of dawn

come christmas, we’ll play 500 all break long

Here's hoping the dog sweatshirt power transfers and your week is liveable.

sometimes i feel like a little puppy with really big paws.

I'm currently trying very hard to be understanding and gracious. But I'm very frustrated. If I were a monkey, I'd throw poo.

Today I realized that as much as I love the craziness, I love the quiet too. And just 20 minutes to just sit and unwind and thank God for the day and realize that there is so much to be thankful for--it's sometimes the best thing I can do for myself.

Good long nap today. Also, I applied to college! Horray! Also, I have to study for midterms today so that I can not worry about that on Thursday. I am rather behind on this.

I'm not going to be home til Thanksgiving. Wow-crazy! I've been home every weekend since school started, what am I going to do now that I'm at school again? I'm a little excited, if only because I'll actually do my homework on the weekends. But this means I won't be able to hide behind the fact that I go home to explain my social life. In the words of Davey, womp womp.

Speaking of Davey. What a good weekend. I have been blessed with really really great people in so many aspects of my life. Family, church friends, camp friends, best friends really. Constant reminders of God's love. And reminders of how much I love to serve and be served and talk about..life and things. Blessed blessed so blessed am I. I miss campfires. And smelling like such.

Also, the fact that my little brother wears my jeans better than I do is a little disconcerting, but lots funny. Thanks mom for sewing my armpit.

Question: what will I be for halloween? I hate halloween. Really. So dumb.

I wish I were knee-deep in the water somewhere.

Speaking of intentionality.... I'm adding one to the list.

so excited about some things. so confused about others. still so overwhelmed by it all. God is good. all the time.

I'm okay with getting old.

This has never happened to me before. In fact, I'm still weirded out by just how bizarre this event in my life was. Here's the poop:

So I was sitting in Physical Geography (which, by the way, just happens to be the worst class I've ever taken. Whoop--I take that back. Social Foundations of Education was 10x worse. This is a great class. I love it.), and I was struggling. See, Monday, I fought hard and lost to the sleep monster and slept quite literally through the entire class. Rockin out/head bobbing all the way through. And I was in the front row. My conscience got to me, and I decided that I absolutely was going to make it through Wednesday's class 100% attentive. This is not as easy as it sounds. Not only is the lecture boring for a non-geography person (or a geography person, really), but the lights are off for the entire class and Ruth Baker just happens to have the sort of monotone, soothing voice that puts one right to beddy bye.

Still, I thought I was doing well. I was changing the way I sat often, taking copious notes, finger tapping, biting my lip...just really really focusing. But I still was losing to sleep. I think I really was sleeping, but I was in that semi-conscious state where I could still take notes...I just wasn't comprehending all that I was writing down.

Anyway, I woke up with about 7 minutes left in class. And I looked at my notes and for the life of me I could not make sense of the last line I had written..it took me about 4 reads to decipher the barely legible handwriting... My notes looked like this:

Downwelling

-accumulating and sinking of high density waters

-brings energy and saline (salty!) to lower levels

-West in winter i'm okay w/getting old

I'm okay with getting old??? That was not on the powerpoint, I can assure you of that much. So what the heck did I write it down for? Clearly I was more sleepy than I thought. So either I dream wrote or did something with my subconscious about having peace with getting older. I tried to trace back my thoughts and all I remember is maaaybe thinking about being a mom. So. Freaking. Weird.

I'm okay with getting old. Well good.

time

Yesterday I talked a lot about intentionality. And values and strengths. And it was really really great. It was the best refocusing I've done in quite awhile. And since I haven't been journaling and my computer is right here. I'm going to process. Bear with me.

Strengths:

I don't know how many people have used strengthsquest, but it seems to be all people talk about lately, so I will too a bit. Basically strengthsquest is a personality profile, but I like it better. I focuses of themes of strengths. There are 34 of them, but they only give you your top five--they don't want you to focus on things you're less good at. Your top five strengths are what you're supposed to focus on, because you can do them better than people who don't have them. Anyway, people get super hung up on them. I'm not sure how much weight I give this test, but mine anyway:

1. Achiever--People especially talented in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.

I thought it was interesting that this is my top strength. Because I am often one to blow responsibilities(school/emails/homework) off to go and do something I'd rather do (nap/hang out/etc). But I think it is true. I take a lot of joy in really finishing something and doing it right. I work for goals, big ones, but I also tend to pic challenges I know I can overcome so that I get that feeling of accomplishment. I'd like to think I'm driven. But really, I think I'm driven to a point. When I know I can't achieve something, I really do shut down. Maybe that's why.

2. Maximizer-People especially talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal growth and group excellence. They seek to transform something especailly talented into something superb.

Personally, this is the strength I see most in myself. Because I'm rarely satisfied with good. I really love to work with people to help them achieve more. Probably why I want to teach... Excellence is what I look for and I know how to make someone's good better. I love seeing how others are great and letting them know. And then pushing them harder. Ha, I see this working at valleyfair and at camp and with friends and etc. Anyway...

3.Learner-People especially talented in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.

I think this one is interesting because I want to know little bits about everything, yet I have no desire to be really proficient in just one thing. I want to learn everything so I can have conversations with people about everything--why would I want to know too much that I can't talk to anyone? Anyway, that's just a little tangent...Ha, also the reason I can't pick a major. Mainly I love to learn form other people--to listen to experiences and ideas and see what I can take from it. There are people I could sit and listen to literally all day, and they know it. The world has so much in it, and I want to learn it all.

4. Competition--People especially talented in the Competition theme measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.

I've always thought of this one as my biggest weakness. Being competitive pushes me to do my best, sure. It helps me achieve, definitely. But it also helps me hurt people sometimes. I get so wrapped up in competition that I fail to enjoy life. Which is why I've been consciously dropping different urges to compete lately. I just don't know about this one.

5. Belief- People especially talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.

This is the most rare strength of the 34. It's also my favorite. Because my beliefs and values should and do direct my life. They are the reason for the decisions I make daily and they give me purpose. God is my strength, I feel like this follows.

That was longer than I intended, but I'm going to keep truckin.

Values

I know I have core values, but I never really take time to evaluate them. But we had to, and it was very difficult to whittle it down. Finally I ended up with faith, connection (family/friends), adventure/discovery (nature, innovation, fun, and recognition), influence (leadership, volunteering), and learning (about self and others), integrity, and fun. This sort was really difficult for me, and I cheated by putting some under the others, but it made me think about what really is important to me, what I care about, what I actually want in my life, and what gives me purpose. I have to be more honest and aware of what I value so that I can better base my decisions in my life. I think that sometimes I focus on the values I think I should have instead or that others I respect have. But if I'm going to commit my life to the things that are important to me, they better be the things that are important to me.

I'm getting close, don't worry.

Next is vocation. Frederick Buechner defines vocation as "the place where your hear's deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. Vocation has been big for me lately. I really want to have purpose and I get really upset when people tell me that the things I love aren't worth it because they'll never be marketable or whatever else. I need purpose in my life, or I won't live properly. I don't think anyone would. I want my career to be something I'm deeply passionate about. Maybe that will put me not in the "real world" (look at those quotes), but I simply don't care. If the real world is me hating my job and just getting through life, I don't want to be there. That's no way to live. I know that some people have to do it, and I'm pretty spoiled to think I need differently, but I'm at least going to search for something bigger.

So what is my heart's deep gladness? I'll tell you:

Jesus.

Kids.

Making others glad.

Seeing other's succeed.

Sharing love.

Being outside.

Family.

Learning.

Adventure.

Pushing boundaries.

Laughter.

Music.

Hard work.

And what is the world's deep hunger? Well.

Love.

Education.

Justice.

Wellness.

Communication.

Understanding.

Hope. Especially hope.

Joy.

How do they meet? I'm still working on that one. I already feel judged. Heck, I'm judging myself. I feel like an idealist and just really young. But I need to think on this stuff. Because this is what I actually get excited about. Whether it's real or possible or simply not.

Time. This is my last big thing. Henry Van Dyke says, "Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity." I don't think we're ever satisfied with the time we're given. No matter what our situation, time is always going to fast or too slow, it's always too short or too long. There's never enough time. Time is crawling by. We're just not satisfied. What I'm realizing more and more is that I have the perfect amount of time. God's love is perfect. He gives me all the time I need. He puts be in a place for a certain time so that I may learn the most about him and about myself and others around me. So do I have enough time? Yes. But do I need to learn how to be more intentional with that time? Absolutely. I need to know what I have time for, what I want to spend my time on. And that goes back to my values and vocation and even strengths. Because I'm tired of wasting time. Whatever that means.

So I was asked to think about three questions, which I will answer here. The first: What do I want to take time for? What do I want to be intentional about?

Easy. School. I push it off way too much. I go to class all the time but never take time to process and really learn it, which is sad because I love learn. I need to take time for myself--caring about myself and learning to be an adult, and even appreciating myself. I need to take time with relationships and enjoying being here. I need to spend time not wishing time away. But I also need to take time to figure out what I need, especially here and not here and making decisions. Most importantly, I need to make time for God, who has given me the time I have.

Second: What don't I have time for.

I don't have time for Facebook. Worrying if people like me. Naps, probably. Complaining and downer-ness. I need to instead take time for joy.

Third. How do my values align with how I spend my time?

I wish they would more. I need to be more intentional with my time because more and more I just go through the motions until I hit meltdown stage. The things I plan and set apart time for, the ones where I'm helping people and being intentional--those do align. And those make me glad. Those give me deep joy.

That was a lot of processing. I don't know if I got anywhere. Or if I sounded dumb. But I know that I feel much better than I did yesterday when I was perpetually hitting a wall. Happy tuesday, bloggy-blog. Stay classy.

Bah humbug. So unmotivated. Tomorrow I shall write on food and arias and feets and bowling. And libraries. Promises.

Oh gosh, I've already used both days.

On running

Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow is the day!!! Ah! So exciting. I'm really really terrified. But I don't know what of. I'm going to finish, whether I am dying or not. It's just so surreal. I mean I've been thinking about this forever, it feels. I feel every muscle and tendon and joint in my legs whenever I walk anywhere, I got no sleep this summer, I've beaten myself up--all for tomorrow. And it's going to be great. I'm a little nervous to go without music. But I think that's important. Also, I'm going to be so matchy tomorrow. Embarrassing and so not me. Too late now. Tomorrow, God willing, I shall soar on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, and walk and not faint. Ha, dad says it's like entering heaven when you cross the finish line...we shall see. 26.2 miles left! Let's go!

On MNSP

Dad got so so so lost today. It took us 7 hours to navigate the course of the race and get out stuff. Ridiculous. Got me out of work at least. Pretty funny even. But he was rather unhappy. That is all.

On transferring

I have too many thoughts to coherently blog.

On creepy situations

Walking back to my car was creepy. Well, not til I got there. But there were vans boxing my car in and so many sketchy people and I was stuck sitting in my locked car freaking out for a long, long time.

On the twins and children

Yesterday I went to the twins game with the clusties. Yuck, I hate that term. Anyway. Sweet sweet seats, disappointing game. Luckily, I didn't really see much of the game. Because I was busy. There sat in front of me a two year old girl and a five year old boy. Needless to say, we were best friends by the end of the 2nd inning. Starbursts, spiderman stamps, games and attention are all kids really need. They're all I really need, for that matter. Several things I thought about yesterday evening: One, I am such a kid. Really. Two, I want to take care of people's kids forever. I don't know what that'll look like yet. But that's that. Three. I can't wait to be a mom. It's a little early for this thought. But I'm just so pumped. Four, kids>baseball. That's quite a statement. A good one, I think. Five, you can teach kids so much, if you try. They're brains are so ready. If you push them, it's awesome. Six, come on twins, really? At least they won today.

On boys

I don't blog about boys. Just think about all the pages I could fill about boys. My 3rd grade self would throw up on me.

On friends

I have good ones. And I am blessed. God knew us well when we gave us friends. And friends reflect God's love and remind me that He is just the best. What a wonderful thing.

On Blogging

I'm really sorry. I know no one reads this, save for one, so I don't write for anyone else. And frankly, I don't write here for myself either. I have thoughts that come and go and must be written down elsewhere and then I get here and I realize I have nothing left to unload. And I sometimes can write about frogs and unicorns, but it's never interesting to me or anyone else. So I've lost twice. And the only reason I DO do this is to help my nemesis complete his goal. Because he can't do it without me. Ha. So I'm sorry interwebs, for polluting you with nothingness. There may be one gem in these 12 months, and I guess that's worth at least something. Ciao.

hate blogging. love the new rules :)

Oh mah gosh I made it :)

za!

all i want to do is go to the mountains. i couldn't be more sure.

blitch please

Today. Don't get me started on today. I will never have an anniversary service...for anything. Hold me to that. Anyway. I was late for everything today. It took me forever to get to St. Peter and I was probably about a half a block away from running out of gas so I was freaking out....and the first gas station I tried was out of service...seriously? And then chapel went almost an hour and a half (granted the music was great, gotta love college) so I knew I wouldn't make it home to change and eat before going to Cindy's thing...so I grabbed food from the caf and a dress from my room..

Which set me back even further on time so I knew I was going to be very late. So I tried to tell someone but apparently that message didn't get through so I was waited on and that's just lame...but anyway I got gas and then there was a detour on 169 because of the stupid flooding so that's even more time. And then dad called and yelled at me over the phone for awhile. All this time I am driving 85 miles an hour, so so very illegal and he's telling me to get there faster? Pissed out of his mind so we're literally yelling at each other over the phone being not rational at all...

Then I finally get to living hope....oh hey it's not at living hope. Call dad, he tweaks. I speed more. Hit every dang red light possible. And I'm just about to say screw this day and this terrible weekend and everything about life right now........

and then I asked God for grace. and patience. and the ability to swallow my terrible attitude and not love to hate today. and within 3 minutes i had reasons why today wasn't so bad.

Today, I climbed a tree because I felt like it. And that is a wonderful thing.

Also, I am going to travel. And climb things. All over the world.

If you don't have dreams, what is there.

I just spent a ton of time chronicling my life at Valleyfair.....wow it was boring. So i deleted it. Hellllooo Kelsey has no life. Now I have no idea how to fill 700 words. Why don't I have original thoughts. I don't enjoy this. Bah humbug for starting this a 3rd time. I have so much homework I could and should be doing right now. And instead I am complaining on the internet. Tight.

I'm running a marathon in 7 days. Holy crap I'm running a marathon in 7 days. I'm scared shitless. My shin splints scream and my body aches and I haven't made it through a run all week and I just don't want to do it. But I'm so excited. And I can and will finish. And it will be great. As long as Dad actually runs. We'll see.

I got lost the last time I went to one of these. We were at the starting line, trying futilely to find my dad amidst the throngs of runners. I was holding my baby dog. Apparently mom and the boys walked off while Kobie and I weren't looking, and suddenly we were alone. Ter-if-ying. Speakers blasting literally two steps behind my head caused me to walk in search of my family...in , as I found out later, the exact opposite direction that I should have been going. Good times. Anyway, it was scary and Minneapolis-y and eventually I was found. I guess my tie in to that is, I hope I don't get lost this year.

I hate this. So so so forced. I have no insight to share.

I can't do it. So this is the extreme in copping out. But here's a story. It's relevant cause I've been feeling so pulled to the mountains lately. Summer come quickly, so I can escape to Idaho and live in their beauty. Ha, summer come quickly....too bad it's 8 months away. Whoop! Anyway. Mountain climbing. Hurr.

Scotchman’s Peak

I adjusted my bulky pack and knelt down carefully under the load to tie my dusty tennis shoes. I laughed to myself. Never in my life had I seen a mountain aside from a picture on a computer screen or in a book, and here I was, set to climb one of the most grueling peaks in northern Idaho. Only Allie could have dragged me here. I glanced over to see my best friend grinning at me. “Let’s go!” Her eyes gleamed with excitement. I called Maggie to get out of the truck. The eight pound pooch scampered out to join us, undaunted by what I saw as a perilous hike ahead.

Scotchman’s Peak is a name-dropping opportunity for any avid hiker of the American Northwest. One of the highest peaks in the Clarkfork Mountains, it’s 7,009 foot summit gazes proudly upon the beautiful country of Western Montana and Bonner County, Idaho (Menard). Described impressively with its “steep-sided glacial valleys, precipitious peaks, and knife-edge ridges (Menard),” it is no wonder enthusiasts journey days for a chance to climb the beautiful crest. Janet Edwards has hiked Scotchman’s in what she describes as “every type of weather you can imagine.” Though she is a seasoned Scotchman’s hiker, the mountain always keeps her coming back. “Scotchman’s Peak is my favorite hike. The trail has been different every time I’ve gone up. It changes with the seasons, and feels longer or shorter depending on the mountain’s mood. Every time is a different rush, and every time is its own unique accomplishment (Edwards).”

I am not ashamed to say that I, myself, would have felt perfectly accomplished turning around and going home after I we finished a seemingly endless first mile to our hike. Allie, who has much more experience hiking than I do, claims that the first mile of Scotchman’s is the worst she has ever climbed. “It’s discouraging every time you do it,” she says. “Whether you do it just once or even twenty times it never gets easier, and you really just don’t think you’re going to make it up the mountain (Anderson).” Any hiking handbook that mentions Scotchman’s Peak will tell you likewise. The first mile is the hardest. Once you get through the seemingly endless 45 degree incline, you’re home free. A trek so demanding was not something for which my body was prepared, and my legs seared with constant pain as we made trudged along the trail. This was not a pleasant way to begin my first real hike. However, at least one of our troupe seemed to be enjoying herself. Maggie bounded in front of us, unfazed by our present agony, searching every tree and flower for a new friend with whom to play.

On Scotchman’s, it isn’t very hard to find such wild playmates. Countless brightly colored song birds, rabbits, mountain goats, and grizzlies roam Scotchman’s Peak and its surrounding areas. Allie always advises me to remember a “bear stick,” a term she coined referring to a branch she will carry around throughout any hike and use to bang on trees and rocks, so as to scare the bears away. “People make fun of me for my bear stick,” she laughs, “but I’m alright with the fact that I’m not a badass who rips bears heads off mid-hike. There’s a lot of wildlife up here, and my rule of thumb for avoiding them is simply to make all the noise I can.”

Though we didn’t have the pleasure of making a bear’s acquaintance, their very presence tells something about the area. The 88,000 acres encompassing the Scotchman Peaks area is one of the largest roadless areas in the Western United States (Egan). Wilderness enthusiasts of Northern Idaho and Western Montana such as Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness are currently working to set aside this and other similar areas so that they remains in their pristine condition. The Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness is an organization devoted to promoting awareness and gaining support for the dedication of the Scotchman Peaks area as wilderness (Friends of Scotchman Peaks). The United States Forest Service has surveyed the land since the 1970s to gauge its potential for a wilderness area, and several breakthroughs have caused Scotchman’s Peak to retain its purity.

Once I was finally able to catch my breath and look around me, I saw precisely the group has worked to preserve this specific slice of the wild. Such splendor is something that should be shared with all who wish to experience it. I stopped to take pictures of everything: rock formations, trees, flowers. I wanted everyone to see what I saw. This is precisely what the Friends of Scotchman Peak Wilderness desire. They want people to be inspired by nature as they were once inspired themselves. Genuinely connecting with nature is a powerful feeling, and it is one that should not be limited by the diminishing of wilderness itself.

The United States has been a leader in wilderness preservation since the mid 1800s. Yellowstone National Park was set apart in 1872, making it the first national park not only in the United States, but in the entire world (Egan). Yellowstone’s famous grizzlies are the epitome of freedom in wildlife, and each year, over three million tourists visit the bears, Old Faithful, geysers, mud pots, and all of Yellowstone’s beauty (Wallace). After just two years of working at Yellowstone, Kory Henkel claims to have been transformed by his experience in the awe-inspiring park. “The fact that we as a nation decided that it was important for us to preserve this pristine wilderness is a marvel in and of itself. But to do it with such grace and care? The parks are set up so well that you can see everything. For us not to disturb it, yet allow for you to still feel as though you’re a 16th century explorer seeing everything for the first time. That’s when you’re really seeing the wonders of God’s creation (Henkel).”

Allie and I huffed and sweated our way for roughly five miles up the winding mountain trails. Monstrous pine trees towered around us throughout our trek, but I could finally see a break in the foliage ahead. We pushed forward, sensing our goal was close. Finally, I knew we had seen are last tree. “So we made it, huh, Al?” Allie looked back at me and laughed. She pointed. I craned my neck to get a better look, and the view caused my excited heart to drop into my stomach. “It’s quite the discouragement,” Janet says. “Here you are, looking up at a beautiful summit, and you have to realize that you’ve still got to go straight up another 700 feet. It’s like the face of Scotchman’s is jeering you, and you have to decide how you’re going to overcome it.”

Looking up at those remaining 700 feet of our journey was certainly discouraging, but with a little prodding, I was convinced that I could beat this mountain. We continued our ascent. Maggie hopped from rock to rock, and I stepped determinedly behind, consciously evening my breathing and listening to my inner pep talks. Slowly, Allie and I pushed on, using all of our strength to reach the top. I took my final steps to the summit and bent over my knees. “We made it, Al,” I heaved.

I got no answer. I looked up and saw that Allie had crossed to the far side of the large, flat summit. “Come on,” she called. “You’ve got to come see this.” At this point, all I wanted to do was sit and rest, but I reluctantly followed her beckon. I stood by her side and looked out on the majesty of the Scotchman Peaks Wilderness. The view was quite literally breathtaking. “That’s the Clarkfork, there,” Allie pointed. The wide river looked like nothing but a stream from our height, and sunlight danced on the deep blue surface of the lake below. Towns and roads were invisible, and I was lost in the vastness around me. Everything was wide and everything was open. Eminent mountains surrounded me, the breeze awakened me, all the colors were so bright. It truly was a rush. “My favorite part of Scotchman’s is the view,” says Allie. “You are so overwhelmed by the view and the lake and seeing your surroundings from above. You realize how small you are in the world, and that is a wonder in itself.”

This kind of feeling, this rush, this reaction, is one that the United States has worked to preserve since the days of Yellowstone’s creation. Not only did the United States found the world’s first national park, but in 1920 the Gila National Forest in New Mexico became the first forest to be protect by any country’s federal government, and in 1964, Congress passed the world’s first widespread wilderness legislation (Egan). The Wilderness Act of 1964 created the National Wilderness Preservation System now contains more than 100 million acres of land which, by the act’s description, should be, “an area where Earth and its community of life are untrammeled by man, where man himself is a visitor who does not remain (“Wilderness Act”).” From my experience, Scotchman’s peak certainly fits this depiction.

“It’s demanding trek,” Allie admits. “It’s difficult in a unique way each time you climb the it--sometimes it seems as though the mountain is playing tricks on you. I think that’s part of why it’s so worth it in the end. You know you’ve worked hard for something, and you finally get to appreciate it.” Wilderness in America provides opportunities for people across the nation to experience this same sense of wonder and accomplishment. After gaining 7,009 feet of elevation, my goal of climbing a mountain was realized, and I stood in awe of the world around me. Looking out at the mountains, the sky, the lake and trees, I saw an America which was untouched by man, and for the first time, I was introduced to how truly phenomenal nature can be. This same beauty and the reverence it inspires is what the United States has taken an active role in protecting since the creation of Yellowstone in 1872. The actions of the United States government as a forerunner in wilderness preservation display the country’s appreciation for the world as it was created, and instills a sense of pride in its citizens. Scotchman’s Peak impacted me in a way that only wilderness can, and because of National Parks and America’s preservation of its pristine wildlife, people will continue to be influenced by wilderness for generations to come.

Oh, how He loves.

I had lots of deep thoughts tonight. Lots of ponderings. But I gave voice to them. Which was very refreshing, however, they're out in the world now and not in my brain. So tonight there will be no ponderisms I will share. However, I will admit that this has been a very bad week for running...probably because it has been a very good week for illness..which makes for a very bad week for me.

Tonight is thursday. Wahoo.

You make me feel

small.

Like my opinions

and feelings

don't matter.

Because yours

are superior.

In every way.

I'm not involved enough

thoughtful enough

clever enough

whatever enough.

But you are.

And that's what matters.

You take me

for granted.

You think

it's great.

You think

you get me.

You don't.

I get

you.

So

stop.

Making me feel

so

small.

And that's Kelsey's ugly bitter heart and dramatic attitude bearing its head again. Shoot.

I do not know everything. In fact, I know very little. This is okay.

I am not a first alto. I am not I am not I am not. But try telling that to my choir director. Apparently I have the 3rd highest voice in the alto section. This makes no sense to me. But here I am, struggling to read a part so unfamiliar to me! Such frustration. My notes do not usually go this high. I had no idea it made such a difference. Here's to more interesting/terrifying parts. Whoop.

This was a good weekend. In ways. I learned to appreciate the people around me where they are and for who they are. And I understood. And let go of pride. But not of what's important and not of truth. Very interesting. Sometimes I wish I saw things as more than just interesting.

Shameful confession: I'm not very good at prayer. I know that it's impossible to be bad at prayer, but I stand by my statement. Too often I do the thing where I tell someone I'm going to pray for them, or I simply think to myself "wow, they could really use some remembering in my prayers," and then I don't follow through. More often, I fall asleep praying or I get distracted and my mind wanders and 40 minutes later I remember "oh crap I was praying, wasn't I.." I get so upset with myself because I really love praying. I just can't make my mind focus..

SO. To remedy this problem, I have been keeping a prayer journal. People that need help, things I struggle with, joys and thanks--prayer stuff. I figured that physically writing out my prayer would at least get me into the habit of keeping my mind all there in prayer. What I didn't realize is how overwhelmingly cool this experiment would be. I find that I have so much more to pray for, and I learn so much more about what is on my heart and how God heals me. And looking back through even the few short weeks I've been doing this--it's pretty awesome to see how prayers are answered and my outlook changes.

Prayer is just so cool. It really blows my mind. It's the one time when you positively turn your entire being over, and who should you turn yourself over to more than to God? I get to have a conversation the God of the entire universe and with the God of me. He doesn't mind that my mind sometimes wanders and that I don't always know what to pray. In my joy he rejoices and in my brokenness he pieces me back together. And always, always he loves me. And wow how I don't deserve that.

I'm so much happier...and content with who I am...when I'm not here. That should not be dependent on my location. I should be able to be who God wants me to be and who I want to be wherever I am. I feel like I have this deficiency that makes me shut down when I'm within the realm of Gustav and his Adolph. I wish this wasn't the only thing I had to talk about.

I enjoyed yesterday muchly. I have good friends. And I have good times. And I am me.

I'm having a problem with a bitter heart. When I am kind, I expect kindness in return, and when it isn't returned, I resent being kind to begin with. When I pay attention, I want attention paid. I become so frustrated when I sit at listen, when I know so much and have no outlet myself. And really this just isn't right at all. When I ask questions, it needs to be because I genuinely care to know the answer. When I care, it needs to be without conditions. When I am kind it needs to be without expectations. And when I love it needs to be because Jesus loved me first.

...because otherwise this is going to be a very long semester.

i am so so so tired.

welcome to the most wretched hour of the night.

are you sure you don't want a contest?

Extra, extra, read all about it!

This is long overdue:

Cup of tea forces jet to make emergency landing

by Cyd Simanskey

The air was tense today as pilot Kriby McFlagerstacker came forward to deliver his official statement on why his flight from Austrailia made an emergency landing in Dallas, TX on the way to Minneapolis. In the face of hundreds of flashing cameras and microphones, McFlagerstacker said the following:

"I jes' couldn' let mah hot date see mah hot tea on mah hott pants."

Obviously, this reporter needed to do a little more digging to get to the heart of this issue. McFlagerstacker, long-time proponent of bedazzled paisley hotpants apparently made a ten minute pit stop at his home in Dallas because of "some kind of crisis," flight attendants report. McFlagerstacker rushed into the house in a flurry of arm waves and disco moves that left passengers dazed and almost too confused to question the pilot's actions when he came out, fully calm, and wearing a peculiarly different colored pair of bedazzled paisley hotpants. The only true witness of the account was McFlagerstacker's mother, Darla. Upon questioning, she reported,

"Jimmy just came in here all riled up about this cup of tea! The pants were QUITE the pill to clean up. I used almost 3 stain sticks on them! Oh, their clean, child, don't you worry. Just leave it to a cup of hot tea to ruin a perfectly good pair of pants. I do hope Frannie still took Jim in the purple ones. She's so fond of green, you know. I always told Jimmy that sweet tea was the only kind of tea for a true Texan to drink. Whoever heard of a Texan drinking hot, unsweetened tea? I tell you what...."

Mrs. McFlagerstacker had much more to say on the subject, but I thought the story was clear. 3 equations I've learned to the mathematics of piloting:

1. hot pants + hot tea =hot pilot

2. hot pilot - hot pants = - hot date

3. hot pants - hot date = hot hot summers alone in Texas

What the passengers of flight 316 got on that hot Texas summer day was a glimpse at all of these, along with some pretty painful dance moves Let that be a warning to all your kids who want to drink breakfast beverages while operating paper airplanes.

Sweet tea, I'm out!

aw shucks

I forgot to blog tonight because I was so engrossed in homework. Tedious, boring homework which I enjoyed greatly. Probably the most fun I've had all week. Nerdy? Maybe. But Sarah and I now have a Wall of Nerd-dom on which we put only our most wonderfully nerdy finds (so far we've got Star Wars and Einstein posters, dinos, space stuff, presidents, oh boy!), so I suppose it fits the theme. I realize I should actually blog. Soon. Right now it's 3 hours past my bedtime...the one which will literally never actually happen. Nighttime.

tonight. is an emotional nightmare.

I have thoughts. I just don't want to blog.

Mmmm. Gustavus. So many mixed feelings. I was driving here today and I told my friend Aaron that I was so excited that I literally couldn't stop smiling. Moreover, I felt like a kindergartener on the first day of school. Then, I remembered that I cried on the first day of kindergarten. Story of my schooling. I get so so stoked. I really psych myself out for the learning and the friends and the goooood times all around. And then I get there and I become the bawling 5 year old who got on the wrong bus on the first day of school. So here I am, almost bouncing in the front seat as we drive into St. Peter, and we pull into the parking lot to my dorm, and my stomach is suddenly in knots and all I want to do is turn around and go home. Childish, maybe. Okay, childish, yes. So I get over it and unpack and fail at mingling and realize the pathetic state of my social life and the high caliber of my awkwardness and have situations that make me want to hide in a closet, and I remember why I'm really really no good at college at all. Only I would be sitting in my Spiderman covers before eleven on the first night back at school. I'm hoping I'll be better with a regimented schedule and friends whose lives aren't consumed by greeters. Why do I seem to be the only person on the planet who isn't swept away in all that is Gustavus Adolphus College...meh. I'm still excited. And positive and upbeat. Promise. Just...I'll get back to you in a few days :)

schoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolSCHOOL!!! Oh happy day it's finally here! Pack pack packing my little brains out :)

I just accidentally ran 16 miles...how often do you think I'll be able to say that in my lifetime? Not often. Nature, round 2 a'comin :)

shall i sellll my sooooul...?

twins!

news story soon.

true story.

I just have not been feeling the story writing. But here goes I guess. Have you heard those stories of hauntings? The ones that quite literally chill your bones and make you not want to sleep at night because you know in your core, even if you don't want to, that the story was completely and totally true? This isn't one of those stories.

I was 9. Well, I don't really know if I was . I was, however, both young enough to put my full confidence in the genuine nature of my mother and old enough to remember being completely fooled by the brilliance of her simple trick. Hook. Line. Sinker. That's what mom brags, smiling at the thought.

We were driving. I don't remember where, and really, I was 9 (or so) so that isn't surprising, but I do remember in whom we were driving. Her name was Bessie, and she was our white mini van. She was pretty brand new, so I didn't know her the ins and outs and tricks. She was pretty high tech, for the day, let me tell you. Anyway, we were hanging out in Bessie, just singin along to some Wee Sing Silly Songs when I noticed something strange.

"Mom, did you see that?" I asked, pausing mid lyric in "Who Did Swallow Jonah?"

(Insert confused look from mom here) "What do you mean?"

"Mom I think the side mirror just moved." I was completely aghast.

"What? I don't think so, Kelseygirl, how could it?"

Hook.

So I let it pass. But I kept a watchful eye on that tricky mirror. And when the tape got to "Boom, Boom, Ain't it Great to be (clap) Crazy?" My stomach got another good flipping. "Moooooom! You had to see that one! Look how high the mirror is!" There was no way my poor (innocent) driving mother could see the road as the mirror now pointed straight up at a cloudless sky.

"What? Oh wow! When did that happen?"

"Just now! It moved!"

"Kelsey that just isn't possible. Here, maybe it's just loose." She opened the window. "Try pushing on it."

So I did. Nothing. But right when I took my fingers off the mirror: "MOM! It's moving!!"

Line.

"Oh my goodness! How is that happening?" The mirror didn't cease movement this time, and our fear was so great that we turned off the tape. "There's a Hole in the Middle of the Sea" is not great concentration music, and this calamity now needed our undivided attention. "Kels did you see that?!"

I had momentarily abandoned my post as head of Mirror Watch, and whipped my head to see my own terrified face staring right back at me. What did this mean!?!

I stared at the mirror. It refused to move. I looked away. It changed. I tried counting the seconds between each movement. Inconsistent. I tried counting lines on the road. Too difficult. The mirror moved and taunted me. Sometimes in short spurts, sometimes in long sweeping motions, surveying the entire area. This continued for what seemed like ages, with countless experiments that would take up far too many words in between.

Finally, I looked at my mother with all genuine fear a 9-year-old girl can muster. "Mom," my voice shook. "I think Bessie is haunted."

Sinker.

I don't remember what happened from there, but I do remember sitting in the driveway when mom showed me that only she could control the haunted van. "Move up," she said. Up it went. "Now down," she continued. It lowered. I can't properly explain the terror that consumed me. And then the confusion that overtook my body. And finally, as she continued, becoming more and more obvious and more and more ridiculous with her instruction, the mortification that caused my ears to go red and my heart to stop.

"MOM!" I screamed, throwing my arms around her with relief. "You have to get Nick and Ryan with that!!"

Theeee End.

Lalaalala shopping. Is tiring and annoying and I'm terrible at it. But I have jeans finally and hung out with mom and wasn't in my house sleeping through the day. Also, Frank Sinatra is serenading my soul. I will fall asleep smiling tonight.

Ps. I sort of started writing my story. I have: "Once upon a time.."

The reason I didn't wite much even though I said I was going to...

is that instead I read all of my blog going back into March-ish. Weird. Sleeping now. Or braceleting.

lists

Things I am looking forward to about college

-Class

-Moving in

-Blender Tuesdays

-SLP

-Roommates

-Naps

-Choir

-Busy weekends

-Dawson's Creek

-Running in the arb

-Neighbors

-Complex

-Letters

-Tea

-Laying outside

-The Folke Bernadotte Memorial Lib

-Profs

Things I am not looking forward to about college

-Homework

-Being organized

-Weekends with nothing to do

-Staying up too late

-Fake..ness

-Showers

-Caf

-Choir

-Decisions

-Too much facebook

-Being late

-Work Study

I made this list...

when I got home from vacation. I haven't decided anything yet.

What in the World Am I Going to do with My Life?

Teach - what?

-high school - math? english?

-middle school

-special ed -age?

Live at Camp Forever - how? where?

-outdoor ed?

-theology?

Write -about?

Go Abroad- when?

-mission work?

Adventure! -With? Yahweh! Uh huh uh huh

Love!

Run!

Laugh!

I feel a real need for guidance. I don't really feel strongly pulled in any directeion...well depending on the day I guess I do..and the decisions I amke are going to be affecting pretty much everything from now on. God says not to worry about tomorrow, but that can be hard. How do I know when my plans and my goals match God's? How long do I flounder?

__

At least I'm sure on the last ones. Mom says that God puts things on our hearts and gives us talents and desires and it's okay to follow them. Because He's given them in the first place. My issue is that I have so many desires. I tend to love where I am at the moment, and I can see myself doing so many things, and really I might just end up getting antsy with whatever I do. I want to help people. I want to listen to people's stories. I want adventure. And I want to see Him in the work that I do. And as selfish as it sounds, I want to know it's right...soon. My heart is so consumed and so confused. I don't even know how to start thinking anymore.

I used to get these...

feelings where I'd just want to blog instead of sleep. That's happening. Cause I napped too much today. And I'm going to run out of things to write this week/I have nothing important to say currently. But I just want to type and think. It's therapeutic.

Random thoughts

I really am going to buy a Spiderman bedspread. I think it's important for my happiness this school year.

Oreos and peanut butter. That's all I need.

Basically I'm terrified. Of life. And I don't really know why.

I'm happy.

I do a lot of listening. And not as much telling. Well. I talk a lot. But I'm going to count telling as different. Sometimes I wonder if I listen because I don't have anything real to say.

But listening is more important. This summer I absorbed and I learned and I grew much. So much. And that does not come from telling.

Sometimes telling is nice though. Mom's good for that.

Mom's great. Remind me to talk about her sometime.

Who makes their bed at 12 42 in the morning?

A 10 o'clock bedtime at school is necessary. But quite possibly impractical.

The world is my burrito

So what kind of meat do you want?

Chicken.

Beans?

No thanks.

Extra rice?

Thanks very much.

What else?

Just lettuce and cheese.

Life is like a burrito. I think I could stretch this metaphor and make it pretty ridiculous...so why not. Life is NOT like a burrito. At all. If life were my burrito, I would know what to order. I would make it plain. Like I make everything..foodwise. And i would know exactly what to expect. I would eat what I know I love. Because if I know I love it, why would I change a thing? If life were a burrito, it would be delicious. And I would enjoy every bite.

But life is not a burrito. Or, it is not a burrito as I would make it. Because life isn't plain and it isn't made to order. Life has unexpected beans and fajita and tomato chunks that tease the taste buds and throw you off. And sometimes those are welcome changes, and sometimes those changes are like too big of a chunk of guac, which is so disgusting that all you want to do is spit it out and rise your mouth out for a year. But chunks are important. Cause what's the fun in a plain burrito? By the time you're 2/3 done with the thing, you're bored and then you stick it in the fridge and it's just not as good when you finally decide to take it out and eat it again. So as much as I love to plan and do what I love and stick to my chicken and no beans and lettuce and cheese only burrito, God (burrito maker extraordinaire) knows better. Maybe he knows I'd do better with a steak burrito. Or even a burrito bowl! Or maybe God knows that he has better for me than just a burrito. And even if the funky-looking burrito thing God has for me, with its tomatoes and beans and guac and whatelsehaveyou, looks scary and intimidating and I just want what I know I love, maybe I'm just supposed to take a bite and forget about my plans and my hesitation to do anything outside my comfort zone.

And there's extended metaphor time with Kelsey. Tune in next time when she rants about gatorade or yarn..

Biggest Waste of Time. Ever. Please spare yourself and don't read this..

Hello. I need to write 800 words right now. And I still have nothing exciting to say. I'm currently sitting and preparing to watch UFC with the bros. And I have missed this. Also, it's nice to not be at a restaurant. Very nice indeed. I appreciate these people. I appreciate the ability to speak of idiocy and make fun of Joe Rogan and play cards. I am excited for the night.

Today has been busy. Thinking back it just seems so long... I ran 20 today! It took me a little longer than 3 hours. Very exciting. I was in Mankato and woke up to run at 550 (brilliant idea, by the way, as running in the day sucks). It was great cause I was super nervous since I'm really behind on training but at 10 miles I was feeling really really great. It wasn't until my tracker stopped at 16 that I struggled..anyway. I finished. I saw a dead racoon and a costume store and got a little lost. And I made it halfway up the Bethany steps at the very end....so rough. I'm so tired right now though. My legs are dead. My chest is sore. And my butt kills. Here's hopin I'll be good to go tomorrow:) That's so much more than anyone needs to know of my running....but again, I need 800 words.

Anyway. I was in Mankato. So I did a little more hanging out the the girls. (Last night was good, by the way. Quality nerf gunning with Josh and good times catching up with the girls..) I like being at college while not being at college. No responsibility is nice. But I want to learn again. So torn so torn.

Ooookay. So I got home. And I went to visit Michael who just had surgery yesterday. So painful. We watched LOST. And I fell asleep.

I got to see Kristen today! I went to Excelsior and we went to a walking play the the Arb. Hil-arious. Loved it. So much sweat and sing-yodeling and mother naturing and just loving everything. Best idea ever.

So I haven't really been home yet. And I'm really really really tired. And I told Lauren I couldn't go to a midnight movie with her tonight and she is rather angry. Oh well.

This is the most boring thing ever read by man. Or myself. So many apologies.

Whaat else can I speak of. I have a lovely bunch of coconuts diddly diddly. There they are a standing in a row. Zoom zoom zoom. Yah zoom zoom zoom zoom.

I'm back from camp. Someday I'll talk about it. Someday soon hopefully. But I've been home for a week. I do like being home kinda.I basically just slept the first day back. 24 hours of sleeping is great. And I've seen people and I haven't been bored yet. I'm just about ready to go back.

I really don't like the state fair. It's pretty lame. Lots of food and spending money and walking and all that stuff. I like getting my apple and going through the buildings. But...meh.

I played Mario Kart this week. It was a little embarrassing how much skill I've lost. So frustrating. But funny. Luigi is the way to go. Toad is to fast and Peach is lame. Have you ever gotten 4th? It's depressing. The award ceremony is ridiculous.

Once upon a time there was a candle stick. Jack did not jump over it. The little UFC men watch over us with loving eyes. Creepy. Double hotdogs sound nasty. Too much dog for the hot...what?

I'm so sorry for wasting yours and my time. I don't want to do this through December. But I will. Cause I must win.

Concussions are weird. I thought they pretty much go away in a couple days. Apparently it's a lot longer. Scary. No thank you.

I need to go to the doctor. Or get knee brace.

Kitchens that are not logically organized are okay. Don't worry about it. Worse could happen.

I think if I put that much vaseline on my face I would break out by the end of a fight. But that probably wouldn't be my face's biggest problem at the end of the night. I think I'd be a pretty great fighter. I mean, I can't really punch. I'm not very strong. But I'd find a way.

This is not cheap. I'm following all the rules. Holla.

Paul: I do not want to talk at you. Zack is (bad word). Kory is (bad word). Backspace. Space space space. I have to keep talking. Do I really have to do this? Ryan tell Kelsey a story.

Ryan: Remember that one time back in the day when we lived at our old house. And we duct taped our babysitter to a tree. Well. I didn't. But Jeff did. And you got motor oil poured on your head....

Aaaand he's done. That was uneventful.

Dear bro,
Hi. Missed you this summer. I'm glad yours was good. And that you got healed and had adventures and all that stuff. I'm glad you're cooking right now. And that you still talk at me. Cause it's nice to listen to you talk. And think about your different opinions and yoda-sagely thoughts. I'm sorry you don't like camps...or what they do..or whatever. I do though. But I like home too. And I'm sorry if I seem like a brat sometimes. I don't mean to. And I'm working on that. And I'm babbling now. But yeah. You're still going down. Peace. Love. And scrabble. Soon.

La la la. Good times here in this chair. Sippin three monsters. Not the dragon kind, mind you. Don't you just love that movie, by the way? I'm glad I now know how to train my dragon. Cause I was nervous.

I'm past my word quota (1001 exactly suckaa). Thanks be to God for patience. Mine and yours. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

my little pony's name is prancer. and we shall prance to mankato. and live in merriment and jubilee. and run 20 miles in the morning. oh dear pony.

don't look now, but i think i just got excited for school

one of these days i'm going to actually need to post..

this already isnt going very well. i am semi glad to be home. i wanna get back in touch with my wonderful brothers.

boom. one min to spare. good first post.

I love Anna. And Green Beans. I am the green bean queen. Zaga what.

Today was a very very busy day. And all day I thought it was Saturday. Turns out tomorrow is another Saturday. It's like I'll be reliving life. Interesting.

Cheese: Inception rules

Good chats with good friends

Volleyball

Doorknob: I have to run 10 miles in 4 hours..

Jesus: Wemmicks

Has this ever happened to you?

So my imagination might be a little more active than others, but you can't convince me I'm thaat crazy..

I was in the Denver airport today. Two hour delay to MN=very antsy and very cranky Kelsey. It was a little rough. Anyway, I went to the bathroom before getting on the plane, and the strangest thing happened. I walked by a closed stall, and through the little crack something completely crazy caught my eye. Now, I couldn't have been really looking in the stall, mind you, because as you will see, nothing remotely sane registered in my brain. What I was convinced I saw, however, was a woman fully bounded and gagged sitting on the toilet seat. She had a terrified look on her face, and I knew I had to help her. So while I was in the stall next door, doin my thang, I was processing her story--how she had been kidnapped and stashed in the stall while the criminal ran away and how I couldn't go to the authorities because a)he was still watching via video camera which he could do because b) the airport security WAS ON HIS SIDE! And I had to act quick, because she was the only one who knew how to diable the bomb that was going to blow up the airport in less than 5 minutes!!! It was a very stressful pee, let me tell you. Anyway, I got out of the stall, ready to blaze into action, when the woman in the stall next to me walked out, completely unscathed, and I realized how ridiculous I am. So I went and washed my hands in embarrassment. (Just then, I noticed that the no-longer-bound-and-gagged woman was struggling to get the motion activated paper towel dispenser to work. I jumped to her aid, demonstrating true skill in my retrival of the much needed towel. She thanked me, and I was glad. I was glad because I was able to help this once-kidnapped-now-freed woman in her time of need.)

Summarizing my summer:

Week 1: I spent getting to know people. Staff training was interesting because I was nervous of change yet so excited about the cool stuff happening around me. People thought I was shy but really I was soaking it all in. At the end of the week I felt like I had been there forever yet it had gone incredibly fast. Which really is the story of my summer. But i also said that I felt refreshed and alive in the Lord. This was a very cool and very new thing because I'd been struggling with...everything really. "I'm pooped, but I'm joyful, and I am blessed to be exactly where I am."

Week 2: I dealt with stuff. I opened up to people and found rest for struggles I don't normally share, and I learned to talke it to God. Week two was also the planning week and I was so pumped and so terrified to get campers. Oh, also I learned a lot of guitar and had a spatula fight. "I will give thanks to my Creator for in Him I am made whole."

Week 3: Was my first week of campers. I was overwhelmed twice. Once by the feeling of inadequacy and once by the fact that my God is so big. It really was a crazy week with awesome awesome campers, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. "The thought of being a tool for the Lord is such a humbling thing."

Week 4: Day Camp lovin. This week was awesome. I spent time with three of the coolest guys I've ever known at a church in Lakeville full of God's eager children. I laughed more than I knew possible and I appreciated brothers. And I was so excited to see everyone when I got back. "Camp Omega is becoming home."

Week 5: I worked support staff, meaning I had no campers. It was a different yet cool experience to serve God in more or less manual labor and to observe God's servants as they did their thang. I missed having campers. Also, I had my self-proclaimed best day/night I've had in a very long time? "God is the creator of laughter. And today I enjoyed God's creation very much."

Week 6: DD week changed my outlook on life. It was positively amazing. The campers taught me more than I could have possibly imagined and the real joy that existed will last me for aslong as I can remember this week. I could literally write for hours on how much I loved this week, so I will not even start. "I couldn't be happier than I am working this week."

Week 7: I was tired. I'd been working for a long time without much sleep and it was a very long week. But my campers rocked and my co-counselor was an all-star. I learned much from her. I felt like I wanted to give my campers everything, but I had nothing left to give. It was a hard week. But when it was over, I missed it. I grew this week from brokeness and joy. "I am reminded that even when I have my reason and my plan, God knows better."

Week 8: I went out to Gibbon as a Day Camp leader. I was exhausted. And I wasn't looking forward to the week. But it was great. Frustrating at times but wonderful on the whole. I had time for craziness and for being serious, and God gave me rest for my soul. "I am here to do God's work. When He calls me to serve, who am I to question Him?"

Hullo. It's been a spell, which is good for anyone reading this because it's never all that interesting. But I'm here so you get to deal with my writing. Horray. I like my own bed. I will not wake up with spiders in my eyes or with a bad back from a bad mattress. And I plan to really sleep in tomorrow for the first time in I don't even know how long. The week off is sounding exciting at the moment. Also, family vacation? What is that? We'll see how we do. I plan to give a brief overview on how I'm doing, etc...but I'm very very tired tonight so I'll save it for later....whether you're interested or not. Goodnight. I will greet the world in 12-14 hours.

Rull update. Blogging update.

Camp rocks. Love it. I can't say enough good things about the people I work with, and it is such a refresher to be back in the Word full time. And teaching kids, oh man it just doesn't get any better. I don't really know where to go from here. There are so many little things I could talk about but I don't think I could do it justice. So mainly I guess, it's great. I feel good about where I'm at. But I am nervous that I'm changing. I mean I know I am. My perspectives and priorities are definitely being revised, and that's a really good thing. But I don't want to be the person who isn't satisfied unless she's "home" at camp. I'm nervous I'm headed in that direction. However, I love being home. I know I love school. I love where I'm at right now but there's more than that. I love the people I'm with but there are more people who have gotten me to where I'm at, and I love and miss them greatly. Four weeks hasn't made me more enlightened and I certainly hope it hasn't made me all high and mighty. I love the bubble. I love Jesus. But I need to remember loving everything else too.

I want to play 500. No one plays at camp. I can't find my running sensor thing. It's frustrating. I have to run 9 today. I'm nervous. Soccer is driving me insane. My stomach feels icky.

Blahg.

Update on the first days of camp:campers campers campers

June 13th

Today God opened my eyes and let me really know what this is all about. I've always been so confident about wanting to do this--I've repeatedly said that, "I just know that this is what I'm supposed to do." But I think I've dumbed this position down in my head to the point where I thought I could just come in and handle it on my own. God's told me two things today: a) Alright, Kelsey, if you're so confident we'll see how you do when I throw you a curve because b) there is no way you can do this without me.

Homesick campers are not a joke. When a kid stands there next to her mom already bawling her eyes out that she has to stay at camp and then her mom says that she's stubborn and hasn't made it through a week of camp before and there's really no way to console her--that's when it finally hits you that homesickness is real. I'm nervous about that week. She so so great when she's playing with the others. She's hilarious and talkative. But I don't know how to handle the point when the tears turn on and her vocabulary slims to the five words: "I want to go home." It's heartbreaking and scary and I so desperately want her to have a great week.

Non-joke realization number two: Campers who don't believe in Jesus, specifically one who says she's been to hell(?). And this is when I get overwhelmed. On the on hand, this is such a cool opportunity to witness. This girl's heart is hurting big time, and if I can be the tool that shows her God's love--that is why I'm here. But I don't feel equipped. And what happens if I can't make a difference? Maybe it's just my personality when placed under stress, but I haven't been able to truly find joy in these kids yet. I admire some of them greatly, but I'm so focused on simply the task at hand for the time being. Joey and Britt have been able to settle down and begin to build relationships already, but I've been busy making decisions and fire-preventing to love them. It's the lion in me, but this need to be my conscious effort. I'm not a fun person under stress.

Which brings me to my final thought/story of the day. I had a breakdown durning dinner. I was so overwhelmed, and I literally cried trying to figure out what was going on with my campers. And all I could this was, "Why doesn't anyone see how badly I'm struggling? Why is no one helping me?" And then I realized that this is exactly what I asked for. I wanted a chance to change lives; I wanted this job and everything that comes with it. Thanks for the irony, God.

But He will equip me. He will use me as his hands and his feed and as his mouth piece. And I will not be alone because He sees my struggle. His power is made perfect in weakness. I feel strong when I remember God's strength and help; I take joy when I think of His majesty. This is a doozy of a day one, but He knows I can do this, or rather, He knows that He can do this through me. Praise be to God!

June 14th

Today is the day I fall down in amazement at the absolutely overwhelming power of God. What a supreme turnaround! I absolutely adore my girls. Epsil-Awesome is what we have come to call ourselves, and I couldn't think of a better description. These girls are excited about everything; I see hugs flying around everywhere. They are inclusive and love games. They are smart and respectful. Epsil-Awesome. Their cheers and screams fill my heart with joy.

Home sickness can be remedied! Hallelujah! I can take literal forcing shoes on feet and pushing bodies out the door, but this afternon we learned to be happy. And we are excited about tomorrow. And all is well in the land of Epsil-Awesome. Thank you, Jesus.

And sometimes stony hearts can really be a cry for help and love. WHen pray becomes is still comforting and songs are still fun--then there is hope. Seing such a negative face expound such happiness, watching pained eyes smile--this is when I get to see Jesus. She wants to talk. There is a question in the question bucket to prove it. The Holy Spirit can do such awesome things with even little nuggest of faith and what a blessing to bear witness to such! The Lord's work is being done here!

Joey and Brit are amazing, amazing people. I absolutely love working with them and don't know what I'd do without them. Joey is quick and silly and such a leader and Britt is a rockstar with the kids, coming up with cames and absolutely capturing their attention over and over again when it's been the most needed. These girls do not back down from challenges, and I know I've been placed here with them for a reason.

Tonight I am bursting with Joy. Epsil-what? Epsil-Awesome. Bring on Tuesday :)

June 15th

1 Timothy 4:12

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity.

Tonight I was positively blown away by the power of God. Also, the power of stars. To attack the starts point first, how awesome it is to be out in God's creation and wow does it get people talking. We could have been out until 2am tonight.

Going to God's power second, it is an amazing thing to listen to the children of God--God's princesses--and hear them proclaim His name. My faith was strengthened and my heart was filled tonight in listening to thoughts and questions the girls offered. What a privilege to consider with them the of their hearts. They bring up points and ideas I rarely consider, and they are so capable of just picking up the discussion and going with it. They discussed things that they need to hear and process and God's love was pulsing in the hearts. We talked about everything tonight: from stars to baptism to racism and judgement to the power of words, to evangelism to the world to heaven and hell and most importnatly to Jesus and the amazing love God has shown us. If there is one thing I want these girls to remember about this week, its that hour or so on the blacktop.

Because the thing is, these girls rule. And Jesus rules in their hearts. THe world may see them as 11-14 year olds, the age group of awkward misfits and bratty puberty-dwellers, but I have seen differently. I have never been more confident of the capability of youth and God's desire to change the world through them. What a night.

Obligation to Blog

This is the first time I've had a computer in 4 weeks and so apparently I have an obligation to blog. I don't like it. It's so much easier to just write....with a pen. I feel much more, well not elegant (or eloquent, sheesh), but at least cohesive when I'm non-blogging/journaling. And so I am now blogging about not wanting to blog. Tomorrow I'll write something....or post something I've written. Either way, I don't like this. It's nice not having a computer. I'm going to go and journal now.

Night.

Just so I'm sure I'm legit and don't lose the contest on the last day I'm home....

Things I'll Miss About Being Home for the Summer:

-Derek Wetmore

-VF employee nights

-Chipotle

-Twins games

-Bonfires

-Willowz

-Wings

-500

-Bros

-My bed

-Wearing stripes

-J3

-Daily showers

-Blog reading

-Driving

-FBDF

-Nicholas

-Sleeping til noon

-Going barefoot

-Kobie

Things I WON'T Miss About Being Home for the Summer

-Applebees

-Facebook

-My room

-OCs

-VF employee cafeteria

-Broken prizes/guests/those damn shorts

-Starting movies a 1:00 am

-Sleeping through my day

-Chores

-Boys

-Wearing "real" clothes

-Spending all my money

I'M LEAVING

Mm. It's 1:35 and I should probably get packing. I'm leaving in 12 hours!! How crazy is that?! Lame as it sounds, I've been waiting for this day for the last 11 years of my life. Ha, well more or less this day.. And it's fricken here! Exciting exciting. I should maybe pack (already said this). Also do laundry. Also, other things I can't think of. I'm finally freaking out! The Lord is good! And I am fully confident he's got a crazy awesome summer planned for me. Will I sleep tonight? Probably not. Will I attempt? Debatable, at the moment. What to pack what to PACK? Wowza, this is gonna be roughskies.

This is the last night I have to blog for awhile. You're welcome for a 3 mo. break from my word diarrhea.

Peace out, interwebs!

I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 11:19

Success

Mom and I had an extremely successful trip today. The reasons are as follows:

1) Mom was certain that my aunt's wedding reception was in Wabasha. Turns out it was on Wabasha Street in Winona. So we were 40 minutes late. Good times.

2) Mom drove off the road (swerving abruptly off the shoulder) eight times.

3) From Wabasha to Winona, there is one working radio station.

4) I found out that my grandparents and their friends no far too much about my personal life. In fact, they know more than I do.

4.5) Soon after, I decided to never marry.

5) Awkwardest hug of my LIFE with my aunt's new gigantor husband.

6) The Lake City DQ does not, in fact, have a bathroom.

7) My aunt said to "say hi to the rest of the fam." Which was the most successful part of the trip and enough to make Mom cry.

what is this feeling

I used to wake up every once in a long while, and I'd have this feeling. I got said feeling about twice a year in high school, and I referred to it to one of my very best friends as "the track and field day feeling." Said feeling included waking up completely excited for the day--arising at 5 just hoping the day would last an extra couple hours and looking forward to something seriously great. A little (eh, a lot of) anxiousness was paired with such excitement, but it just made it all the better. I don't know where said feeling came from during high school, but it originated from the very best day of the year in grade school. I lived for track and field day. You might think I'm exaggerating. But there was nothing I loved more. T&F was practically designed for me. It was totally competitive, you were told to be obnoxiously loud and praised when meeting and exceeding expectations, there were leaders and followers and games and outside and oh my goodness relays and freezies and general awesomeness. Nothing better. Today, I got to part of this wonderful day once again, and it was just as awesome as I remembered. I mean, I got to live my glory days of participation while concurrently laughing at kids who don't realize just how obnoxious they truly are. So great. I love kidlets. And I could not be more excited for these next three months. Good day.

And no, you didn't win. Boo-yah.

zaga what!

Today I ran at a 6:40 pace. Woop woop for not being a turtle anymore:)

Now to Mankato for a Charlie's reunion. I've been waiting for this for, well, a very long time.

I have good things to write about today, and if I get back before midnight, I'll write. Otherwise, your loss.

It hit me today: It's SUMMER! Oh, happiness!

Oh Preciousness

I have been up for the last 32 hours. I've never really pulled an all-nighter just for the hell of it. I only got tired a couple times and I got a ton done today. But yes, I realize it was a very, very bad idea. And I'm going to bed in 19 minutes. BUT that is not the point of this post. The POINT of this post is that in staying up all night to clean my room, I stumbled across a few gems from my youth. I was quite the accomplished writer in 2nd grade. I found some super angsty poetry from middleschool as well, but I'll save that for another time. Now without further ado, here is just a taste:

An introduction:

My name is Kelsey Joanna. I am 7 years old. I have blond hair and blue eyes. On Saturday I like to sleep, and read. I know how to spell and add. This year in school I would like to learn to bake a cake.

My favorite things:

#3.Lazagna

Pizzapasta

Fruitrollup

#4. I like to read books about whales, dolphins, and mistreys.

#7. I like to go camping on my vacation so that I can camp.

My least favorite things:

#1. I don't like the color green. It makes me think of green bay packers. (May I note, that in 3rd grade, I said my favorite color WAS green)

#2. The food I really hate is broccoli (I had erased the word "green" and written broccoli overtop, obviously I can't stand broccoli because it's green) because it tastes yucky.

#3. The worst show on T.V. is goosebumps.

#4. I don't really like books about goosebumps.

#7. I would never go to scool on my vacation.

The Politics of a 2nd grade Me

If I were president I would get up at seven o'clock sharp. Then I'd go to my office and work on laws like: No smoking, no slaves and no kidnaping. Then I'd take the rest of the day of and go horseback riding. And that's my day.

I can't wait for tomorrow!

The End

"I have a dream that everyone has a home." "I have a dream that there was no war." "I have a dream that no one merdered." -Dr. Kelsey Joanther King, Jr.

My Family Story (My Dad and the Water Bloons)

One day my dad saw pepole eating icecream on the church steps. He thout that they wear not supposed to do that. So he got some water bloons. And he threw the water bloons at the pepole.

Instant Classic. Acclaimed by critics everywhere.

My Resolutions for 1999

#2. I will not get cavities

#4. I want to obey the ten commandments

You're proooobably done reading by now. HOWEVER, for my own benefit, I will continue.

If I were the Principal

My school is called Dinkerdot Elementery.

We have school on Mondays. Times 9:00-2:00.

We would study Phy Ed, Art, Music*, Magic*, Word of God, Spelling*

These are our rules: Have Fun, Listen to the Teacher, Whisper when talking to others, Don't Huff or Puff, and Always Chew Gum.

My Wishing Chair:

I found this chair on a road in Wisconsin. I wished that I had more friends. I don't have any friends in my new neighborhood. I be nice to people.