Extra, extra, read all about it!

This is long overdue:

Cup of tea forces jet to make emergency landing

by Cyd Simanskey

The air was tense today as pilot Kriby McFlagerstacker came forward to deliver his official statement on why his flight from Austrailia made an emergency landing in Dallas, TX on the way to Minneapolis. In the face of hundreds of flashing cameras and microphones, McFlagerstacker said the following:

"I jes' couldn' let mah hot date see mah hot tea on mah hott pants."

Obviously, this reporter needed to do a little more digging to get to the heart of this issue. McFlagerstacker, long-time proponent of bedazzled paisley hotpants apparently made a ten minute pit stop at his home in Dallas because of "some kind of crisis," flight attendants report. McFlagerstacker rushed into the house in a flurry of arm waves and disco moves that left passengers dazed and almost too confused to question the pilot's actions when he came out, fully calm, and wearing a peculiarly different colored pair of bedazzled paisley hotpants. The only true witness of the account was McFlagerstacker's mother, Darla. Upon questioning, she reported,

"Jimmy just came in here all riled up about this cup of tea! The pants were QUITE the pill to clean up. I used almost 3 stain sticks on them! Oh, their clean, child, don't you worry. Just leave it to a cup of hot tea to ruin a perfectly good pair of pants. I do hope Frannie still took Jim in the purple ones. She's so fond of green, you know. I always told Jimmy that sweet tea was the only kind of tea for a true Texan to drink. Whoever heard of a Texan drinking hot, unsweetened tea? I tell you what...."

Mrs. McFlagerstacker had much more to say on the subject, but I thought the story was clear. 3 equations I've learned to the mathematics of piloting:

1. hot pants + hot tea =hot pilot

2. hot pilot - hot pants = - hot date

3. hot pants - hot date = hot hot summers alone in Texas

What the passengers of flight 316 got on that hot Texas summer day was a glimpse at all of these, along with some pretty painful dance moves Let that be a warning to all your kids who want to drink breakfast beverages while operating paper airplanes.

Sweet tea, I'm out!