I want so badly to be overcome with joy. That's not something you can just grab, I realize, and when I expect too much from something I'm often let down, but I want it nonetheless. I need so badly to feel God around me. I need Him to be here with me. And I know he is. And I do feel Him. I do see His work all around me. But sometimes the times when I feel him are so fleeting. It's like he's there for a second, and then the next moment He's just what I believe in, the idea of my safety. Yuck, I hate actually voicing this kind of thing. Because I love my Lord and my God. He is my rock. There's just so much around me, so many ideas bouncing around, so much that makes me feel yucky, that I rarely have time to really focus, really find Him.
Which, I know is my problem. I get so into "finding God" that I forget that that's not my job. He finds me. He saves me when I can't save myself. But it's so hard for me to let go sometimes.
So, yes, I want camp. Not because it's a "quick fix" to my spiritual unrest, but because I desperately need spiritual rest. I know the my God loves me, I know he is mighty to save. But I need it to be more than something I know in my head. I need it to be something I feel in my soul. I need my batteries recharged.
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