light the fire

I have this huge urge right now to be at camp.  What I wouldn't give for a campfire, some stars, and a jam session with an acoustic guitar.  Darebase would be great too.  Some table games, all that junk.  But I think mainly I want to be there so badly because it's where I feel God the most.  He's more real to me there without cell phones and television..and showers..than any other place or time in the world.  Maybe I haven't been enough places, but camp is the one place where I can go and immediately feel immersed in in power.

I want so badly to be overcome with joy.  That's not something you can just grab, I realize, and when I expect too much from something I'm often let down, but I want it nonetheless.  I need so badly to feel God around me. I need Him to be here with me.  And I know he is.  And I do feel Him.  I do see His work all around me. But sometimes the times when I feel him are so fleeting.  It's like he's there for a second, and then the next moment He's just what I believe in, the idea of my safety.  Yuck, I hate actually voicing this kind of thing.  Because I love my Lord and my God.  He is my rock.  There's just so much around me, so many ideas bouncing around, so much that makes me feel yucky, that I rarely have time to really focus, really find Him.

Which, I know is my problem.  I get so into "finding God" that I forget that that's not my job.  He  finds me.  He saves me when I can't save myself.  But it's so hard for me to let go sometimes.  

So, yes, I want camp.  Not because it's a "quick fix" to my spiritual unrest, but because I desperately need spiritual rest.  I know the my God loves me, I know he is mighty to save.  But I need it to be more than something I know in my head.  I need it to be something I feel in my soul.  I need my batteries recharged.