And now i cross my fingers..

I'm scared cause I don't know how long this is going to last. I feel so vulnerable. It's like, my entire being is resting on this single thing. I've never put so much stock in something so temporary. I nervous. Rightly so. This type of thing has let me down before. And I've been left hurting and alone. I've felt like a loser, a failure--I've felt that I was nothing. I was disposable. So as much as I'd like to put my trust in this tonight, as much as I'd like to leap without a second look, I cannot. I must protect what little I have left. Because I won't be left broken again.

So right now, at 8:26 p.m., I am fully expecting failure. I will not get my hopes up. When I hit the "publish post" button, I have full confidence in the fact that my browser reject me. I feel that I have earned the right to expect to lose. To lose everything. This post, this challenge, everything. Stupid internet. I hate thee.