Thursday, September 30, 2010

Oh mah gosh I made it :)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

all i want to do is go to the mountains. i couldn't be more sure.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

blitch please

Today. Don't get me started on today. I will never have an anniversary service...for anything. Hold me to that. Anyway. I was late for everything today. It took me forever to get to St. Peter and I was probably about a half a block away from running out of gas so I was freaking out....and the first gas station I tried was out of service...seriously? And then chapel went almost an hour and a half (granted the music was great, gotta love college) so I knew I wouldn't make it home to change and eat before going to Cindy's thing...so I grabbed food from the caf and a dress from my room..

Which set me back even further on time so I knew I was going to be very late. So I tried to tell someone but apparently that message didn't get through so I was waited on and that's just lame...but anyway I got gas and then there was a detour on 169 because of the stupid flooding so that's even more time. And then dad called and yelled at me over the phone for awhile. All this time I am driving 85 miles an hour, so so very illegal and he's telling me to get there faster? Pissed out of his mind so we're literally yelling at each other over the phone being not rational at all...

Then I finally get to living hope....oh hey it's not at living hope. Call dad, he tweaks. I speed more. Hit every dang red light possible. And I'm just about to say screw this day and this terrible weekend and everything about life right now........

and then I asked God for grace. and patience. and the ability to swallow my terrible attitude and not love to hate today. and within 3 minutes i had reasons why today wasn't so bad.

Today, I climbed a tree because I felt like it. And that is a wonderful thing.

Also, I am going to travel. And climb things. All over the world.

If you don't have dreams, what is there.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

I just spent a ton of time chronicling my life at Valleyfair.....wow it was boring. So i deleted it. Hellllooo Kelsey has no life. Now I have no idea how to fill 700 words. Why don't I have original thoughts. I don't enjoy this. Bah humbug for starting this a 3rd time. I have so much homework I could and should be doing right now. And instead I am complaining on the internet. Tight.

I'm running a marathon in 7 days. Holy crap I'm running a marathon in 7 days. I'm scared shitless. My shin splints scream and my body aches and I haven't made it through a run all week and I just don't want to do it. But I'm so excited. And I can and will finish. And it will be great. As long as Dad actually runs. We'll see.

I got lost the last time I went to one of these. We were at the starting line, trying futilely to find my dad amidst the throngs of runners. I was holding my baby dog. Apparently mom and the boys walked off while Kobie and I weren't looking, and suddenly we were alone. Ter-if-ying. Speakers blasting literally two steps behind my head caused me to walk in search of my family...in , as I found out later, the exact opposite direction that I should have been going. Good times. Anyway, it was scary and Minneapolis-y and eventually I was found. I guess my tie in to that is, I hope I don't get lost this year.

I hate this. So so so forced. I have no insight to share.

I can't do it. So this is the extreme in copping out. But here's a story. It's relevant cause I've been feeling so pulled to the mountains lately. Summer come quickly, so I can escape to Idaho and live in their beauty. Ha, summer come quickly....too bad it's 8 months away. Whoop! Anyway. Mountain climbing. Hurr.


Scotchman’s Peak

I adjusted my bulky pack and knelt down carefully under the load to tie my dusty tennis shoes. I laughed to myself. Never in my life had I seen a mountain aside from a picture on a computer screen or in a book, and here I was, set to climb one of the most grueling peaks in northern Idaho. Only Allie could have dragged me here. I glanced over to see my best friend grinning at me. “Let’s go!” Her eyes gleamed with excitement. I called Maggie to get out of the truck. The eight pound pooch scampered out to join us, undaunted by what I saw as a perilous hike ahead.

Scotchman’s Peak is a name-dropping opportunity for any avid hiker of the American Northwest. One of the highest peaks in the Clarkfork Mountains, it’s 7,009 foot summit gazes proudly upon the beautiful country of Western Montana and Bonner County, Idaho (Menard). Described impressively with its “steep-sided glacial valleys, precipitious peaks, and knife-edge ridges (Menard),” it is no wonder enthusiasts journey days for a chance to climb the beautiful crest. Janet Edwards has hiked Scotchman’s in what she describes as “every type of weather you can imagine.” Though she is a seasoned Scotchman’s hiker, the mountain always keeps her coming back. “Scotchman’s Peak is my favorite hike. The trail has been different every time I’ve gone up. It changes with the seasons, and feels longer or shorter depending on the mountain’s mood. Every time is a different rush, and every time is its own unique accomplishment (Edwards).”

I am not ashamed to say that I, myself, would have felt perfectly accomplished turning around and going home after I we finished a seemingly endless first mile to our hike. Allie, who has much more experience hiking than I do, claims that the first mile of Scotchman’s is the worst she has ever climbed. “It’s discouraging every time you do it,” she says. “Whether you do it just once or even twenty times it never gets easier, and you really just don’t think you’re going to make it up the mountain (Anderson).” Any hiking handbook that mentions Scotchman’s Peak will tell you likewise. The first mile is the hardest. Once you get through the seemingly endless 45 degree incline, you’re home free. A trek so demanding was not something for which my body was prepared, and my legs seared with constant pain as we made trudged along the trail. This was not a pleasant way to begin my first real hike. However, at least one of our troupe seemed to be enjoying herself. Maggie bounded in front of us, unfazed by our present agony, searching every tree and flower for a new friend with whom to play.

On Scotchman’s, it isn’t very hard to find such wild playmates. Countless brightly colored song birds, rabbits, mountain goats, and grizzlies roam Scotchman’s Peak and its surrounding areas. Allie always advises me to remember a “bear stick,” a term she coined referring to a branch she will carry around throughout any hike and use to bang on trees and rocks, so as to scare the bears away. “People make fun of me for my bear stick,” she laughs, “but I’m alright with the fact that I’m not a badass who rips bears heads off mid-hike. There’s a lot of wildlife up here, and my rule of thumb for avoiding them is simply to make all the noise I can.”

Though we didn’t have the pleasure of making a bear’s acquaintance, their very presence tells something about the area. The 88,000 acres encompassing the Scotchman Peaks area is one of the largest roadless areas in the Western United States (Egan). Wilderness enthusiasts of Northern Idaho and Western Montana such as Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness are currently working to set aside this and other similar areas so that they remains in their pristine condition. The Friends of Scotchman Peaks Wilderness is an organization devoted to promoting awareness and gaining support for the dedication of the Scotchman Peaks area as wilderness (Friends of Scotchman Peaks). The United States Forest Service has surveyed the land since the 1970s to gauge its potential for a wilderness area, and several breakthroughs have caused Scotchman’s Peak to retain its purity.

Once I was finally able to catch my breath and look around me, I saw precisely the group has worked to preserve this specific slice of the wild. Such splendor is something that should be shared with all who wish to experience it. I stopped to take pictures of everything: rock formations, trees, flowers. I wanted everyone to see what I saw. This is precisely what the Friends of Scotchman Peak Wilderness desire. They want people to be inspired by nature as they were once inspired themselves. Genuinely connecting with nature is a powerful feeling, and it is one that should not be limited by the diminishing of wilderness itself.

The United States has been a leader in wilderness preservation since the mid 1800s. Yellowstone National Park was set apart in 1872, making it the first national park not only in the United States, but in the entire world (Egan). Yellowstone’s famous grizzlies are the epitome of freedom in wildlife, and each year, over three million tourists visit the bears, Old Faithful, geysers, mud pots, and all of Yellowstone’s beauty (Wallace). After just two years of working at Yellowstone, Kory Henkel claims to have been transformed by his experience in the awe-inspiring park. “The fact that we as a nation decided that it was important for us to preserve this pristine wilderness is a marvel in and of itself. But to do it with such grace and care? The parks are set up so well that you can see everything. For us not to disturb it, yet allow for you to still feel as though you’re a 16th century explorer seeing everything for the first time. That’s when you’re really seeing the wonders of God’s creation (Henkel).”

Allie and I huffed and sweated our way for roughly five miles up the winding mountain trails. Monstrous pine trees towered around us throughout our trek, but I could finally see a break in the foliage ahead. We pushed forward, sensing our goal was close. Finally, I knew we had seen are last tree. “So we made it, huh, Al?” Allie looked back at me and laughed. She pointed. I craned my neck to get a better look, and the view caused my excited heart to drop into my stomach. “It’s quite the discouragement,” Janet says. “Here you are, looking up at a beautiful summit, and you have to realize that you’ve still got to go straight up another 700 feet. It’s like the face of Scotchman’s is jeering you, and you have to decide how you’re going to overcome it.”

Looking up at those remaining 700 feet of our journey was certainly discouraging, but with a little prodding, I was convinced that I could beat this mountain. We continued our ascent. Maggie hopped from rock to rock, and I stepped determinedly behind, consciously evening my breathing and listening to my inner pep talks. Slowly, Allie and I pushed on, using all of our strength to reach the top. I took my final steps to the summit and bent over my knees. “We made it, Al,” I heaved.

I got no answer. I looked up and saw that Allie had crossed to the far side of the large, flat summit. “Come on,” she called. “You’ve got to come see this.” At this point, all I wanted to do was sit and rest, but I reluctantly followed her beckon. I stood by her side and looked out on the majesty of the Scotchman Peaks Wilderness. The view was quite literally breathtaking. “That’s the Clarkfork, there,” Allie pointed. The wide river looked like nothing but a stream from our height, and sunlight danced on the deep blue surface of the lake below. Towns and roads were invisible, and I was lost in the vastness around me. Everything was wide and everything was open. Eminent mountains surrounded me, the breeze awakened me, all the colors were so bright. It truly was a rush. “My favorite part of Scotchman’s is the view,” says Allie. “You are so overwhelmed by the view and the lake and seeing your surroundings from above. You realize how small you are in the world, and that is a wonder in itself.”

This kind of feeling, this rush, this reaction, is one that the United States has worked to preserve since the days of Yellowstone’s creation. Not only did the United States found the world’s first national park, but in 1920 the Gila National Forest in New Mexico became the first forest to be protect by any country’s federal government, and in 1964, Congress passed the world’s first widespread wilderness legislation (Egan). The Wilderness Act of 1964 created the National Wilderness Preservation System now contains more than 100 million acres of land which, by the act’s description, should be, “an area where Earth and its community of life are untrammeled by man, where man himself is a visitor who does not remain (“Wilderness Act”).” From my experience, Scotchman’s peak certainly fits this depiction.

“It’s demanding trek,” Allie admits. “It’s difficult in a unique way each time you climb the it--sometimes it seems as though the mountain is playing tricks on you. I think that’s part of why it’s so worth it in the end. You know you’ve worked hard for something, and you finally get to appreciate it.” Wilderness in America provides opportunities for people across the nation to experience this same sense of wonder and accomplishment. After gaining 7,009 feet of elevation, my goal of climbing a mountain was realized, and I stood in awe of the world around me. Looking out at the mountains, the sky, the lake and trees, I saw an America which was untouched by man, and for the first time, I was introduced to how truly phenomenal nature can be. This same beauty and the reverence it inspires is what the United States has taken an active role in protecting since the creation of Yellowstone in 1872. The actions of the United States government as a forerunner in wilderness preservation display the country’s appreciation for the world as it was created, and instills a sense of pride in its citizens. Scotchman’s Peak impacted me in a way that only wilderness can, and because of National Parks and America’s preservation of its pristine wildlife, people will continue to be influenced by wilderness for generations to come.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Oh, how He loves.
I had lots of deep thoughts tonight. Lots of ponderings. But I gave voice to them. Which was very refreshing, however, they're out in the world now and not in my brain. So tonight there will be no ponderisms I will share. However, I will admit that this has been a very bad week for running...probably because it has been a very good week for illness..which makes for a very bad week for me.

Tonight is thursday. Wahoo.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

You make me feel
small.
Like my opinions
and feelings
don't matter.
Because yours
are superior.
In every way.
I'm not involved enough
thoughtful enough
clever enough
whatever enough.
But you are.
And that's what matters.
You take me
for granted.
You think
it's great.
You think
you get me.
You don't.
I get
you.
So
stop.
Making me feel
so
small.


And that's Kelsey's ugly bitter heart and dramatic attitude bearing its head again. Shoot.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I do not know everything. In fact, I know very little. This is okay.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I am not a first alto. I am not I am not I am not. But try telling that to my choir director. Apparently I have the 3rd highest voice in the alto section. This makes no sense to me. But here I am, struggling to read a part so unfamiliar to me! Such frustration. My notes do not usually go this high. I had no idea it made such a difference. Here's to more interesting/terrifying parts. Whoop.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

This was a good weekend. In ways. I learned to appreciate the people around me where they are and for who they are. And I understood. And let go of pride. But not of what's important and not of truth. Very interesting. Sometimes I wish I saw things as more than just interesting.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Shameful confession: I'm not very good at prayer. I know that it's impossible to be bad at prayer, but I stand by my statement. Too often I do the thing where I tell someone I'm going to pray for them, or I simply think to myself "wow, they could really use some remembering in my prayers," and then I don't follow through. More often, I fall asleep praying or I get distracted and my mind wanders and 40 minutes later I remember "oh crap I was praying, wasn't I.." I get so upset with myself because I really love praying. I just can't make my mind focus..

SO. To remedy this problem, I have been keeping a prayer journal. People that need help, things I struggle with, joys and thanks--prayer stuff. I figured that physically writing out my prayer would at least get me into the habit of keeping my mind all there in prayer. What I didn't realize is how overwhelmingly cool this experiment would be. I find that I have so much more to pray for, and I learn so much more about what is on my heart and how God heals me. And looking back through even the few short weeks I've been doing this--it's pretty awesome to see how prayers are answered and my outlook changes.

Prayer is just so cool. It really blows my mind. It's the one time when you positively turn your entire being over, and who should you turn yourself over to more than to God? I get to have a conversation the God of the entire universe and with the God of me. He doesn't mind that my mind sometimes wanders and that I don't always know what to pray. In my joy he rejoices and in my brokenness he pieces me back together. And always, always he loves me. And wow how I don't deserve that.
I'm so much happier...and content with who I am...when I'm not here. That should not be dependent on my location. I should be able to be who God wants me to be and who I want to be wherever I am. I feel like I have this deficiency that makes me shut down when I'm within the realm of Gustav and his Adolph. I wish this wasn't the only thing I had to talk about.
I enjoyed yesterday muchly. I have good friends. And I have good times. And I am me.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm having a problem with a bitter heart. When I am kind, I expect kindness in return, and when it isn't returned, I resent being kind to begin with. When I pay attention, I want attention paid. I become so frustrated when I sit at listen, when I know so much and have no outlet myself. And really this just isn't right at all. When I ask questions, it needs to be because I genuinely care to know the answer. When I care, it needs to be without conditions. When I am kind it needs to be without expectations. And when I love it needs to be because Jesus loved me first.

...because otherwise this is going to be a very long semester.

Monday, September 13, 2010

i am so so so tired.

welcome to the most wretched hour of the night.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

are you sure you don't want a contest?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Extra, extra, read all about it!

This is long overdue:

Cup of tea forces jet to make emergency landing
by Cyd Simanskey

The air was tense today as pilot Kriby McFlagerstacker came forward to deliver his official statement on why his flight from Austrailia made an emergency landing in Dallas, TX on the way to Minneapolis. In the face of hundreds of flashing cameras and microphones, McFlagerstacker said the following:

"I jes' couldn' let mah hot date see mah hot tea on mah hott pants."

Obviously, this reporter needed to do a little more digging to get to the heart of this issue. McFlagerstacker, long-time proponent of bedazzled paisley hotpants apparently made a ten minute pit stop at his home in Dallas because of "some kind of crisis," flight attendants report. McFlagerstacker rushed into the house in a flurry of arm waves and disco moves that left passengers dazed and almost too confused to question the pilot's actions when he came out, fully calm, and wearing a peculiarly different colored pair of bedazzled paisley hotpants. The only true witness of the account was McFlagerstacker's mother, Darla. Upon questioning, she reported,

"Jimmy just came in here all riled up about this cup of tea! The pants were QUITE the pill to clean up. I used almost 3 stain sticks on them! Oh, their clean, child, don't you worry. Just leave it to a cup of hot tea to ruin a perfectly good pair of pants. I do hope Frannie still took Jim in the purple ones. She's so fond of green, you know. I always told Jimmy that sweet tea was the only kind of tea for a true Texan to drink. Whoever heard of a Texan drinking hot, unsweetened tea? I tell you what...."

Mrs. McFlagerstacker had much more to say on the subject, but I thought the story was clear. 3 equations I've learned to the mathematics of piloting:
1. hot pants + hot tea =hot pilot
2. hot pilot - hot pants = - hot date
3. hot pants - hot date = hot hot summers alone in Texas

What the passengers of flight 316 got on that hot Texas summer day was a glimpse at all of these, along with some pretty painful dance moves Let that be a warning to all your kids who want to drink breakfast beverages while operating paper airplanes.

Sweet tea, I'm out!

aw shucks

I forgot to blog tonight because I was so engrossed in homework. Tedious, boring homework which I enjoyed greatly. Probably the most fun I've had all week. Nerdy? Maybe. But Sarah and I now have a Wall of Nerd-dom on which we put only our most wonderfully nerdy finds (so far we've got Star Wars and Einstein posters, dinos, space stuff, presidents, oh boy!), so I suppose it fits the theme. I realize I should actually blog. Soon. Right now it's 3 hours past my bedtime...the one which will literally never actually happen. Nighttime.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

tonight. is an emotional nightmare.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I have thoughts. I just don't want to blog.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Mmmm. Gustavus. So many mixed feelings. I was driving here today and I told my friend Aaron that I was so excited that I literally couldn't stop smiling. Moreover, I felt like a kindergartener on the first day of school. Then, I remembered that I cried on the first day of kindergarten. Story of my schooling. I get so so stoked. I really psych myself out for the learning and the friends and the goooood times all around. And then I get there and I become the bawling 5 year old who got on the wrong bus on the first day of school. So here I am, almost bouncing in the front seat as we drive into St. Peter, and we pull into the parking lot to my dorm, and my stomach is suddenly in knots and all I want to do is turn around and go home. Childish, maybe. Okay, childish, yes. So I get over it and unpack and fail at mingling and realize the pathetic state of my social life and the high caliber of my awkwardness and have situations that make me want to hide in a closet, and I remember why I'm really really no good at college at all. Only I would be sitting in my Spiderman covers before eleven on the first night back at school. I'm hoping I'll be better with a regimented schedule and friends whose lives aren't consumed by greeters. Why do I seem to be the only person on the planet who isn't swept away in all that is Gustavus Adolphus College...meh. I'm still excited. And positive and upbeat. Promise. Just...I'll get back to you in a few days :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

schoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolschoolSCHOOL!!! Oh happy day it's finally here! Pack pack packing my little brains out :)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I just accidentally ran 16 miles...how often do you think I'll be able to say that in my lifetime? Not often. Nature, round 2 a'comin :)

Friday, September 3, 2010

shall i sellll my sooooul...?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

twins!
news story soon.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

true story.

I just have not been feeling the story writing. But here goes I guess. Have you heard those stories of hauntings? The ones that quite literally chill your bones and make you not want to sleep at night because you know in your core, even if you don't want to, that the story was completely and totally true? This isn't one of those stories.

I was 9. Well, I don't really know if I was . I was, however, both young enough to put my full confidence in the genuine nature of my mother and old enough to remember being completely fooled by the brilliance of her simple trick. Hook. Line. Sinker. That's what mom brags, smiling at the thought.

We were driving. I don't remember where, and really, I was 9 (or so) so that isn't surprising, but I do remember in whom we were driving. Her name was Bessie, and she was our white mini van. She was pretty brand new, so I didn't know her the ins and outs and tricks. She was pretty high tech, for the day, let me tell you. Anyway, we were hanging out in Bessie, just singin along to some Wee Sing Silly Songs when I noticed something strange.

"Mom, did you see that?" I asked, pausing mid lyric in "Who Did Swallow Jonah?"

(Insert confused look from mom here) "What do you mean?"

"Mom I think the side mirror just moved." I was completely aghast.

"What? I don't think so, Kelseygirl, how could it?"

Hook.

So I let it pass. But I kept a watchful eye on that tricky mirror. And when the tape got to "Boom, Boom, Ain't it Great to be (clap) Crazy?" My stomach got another good flipping. "Moooooom! You had to see that one! Look how high the mirror is!" There was no way my poor (innocent) driving mother could see the road as the mirror now pointed straight up at a cloudless sky.

"What? Oh wow! When did that happen?"

"Just now! It moved!"

"Kelsey that just isn't possible. Here, maybe it's just loose." She opened the window. "Try pushing on it."

So I did. Nothing. But right when I took my fingers off the mirror: "MOM! It's moving!!"

Line.

"Oh my goodness! How is that happening?" The mirror didn't cease movement this time, and our fear was so great that we turned off the tape. "There's a Hole in the Middle of the Sea" is not great concentration music, and this calamity now needed our undivided attention. "Kels did you see that?!"

I had momentarily abandoned my post as head of Mirror Watch, and whipped my head to see my own terrified face staring right back at me. What did this mean!?!

I stared at the mirror. It refused to move. I looked away. It changed. I tried counting the seconds between each movement. Inconsistent. I tried counting lines on the road. Too difficult. The mirror moved and taunted me. Sometimes in short spurts, sometimes in long sweeping motions, surveying the entire area. This continued for what seemed like ages, with countless experiments that would take up far too many words in between.

Finally, I looked at my mother with all genuine fear a 9-year-old girl can muster. "Mom," my voice shook. "I think Bessie is haunted."

Sinker.

I don't remember what happened from there, but I do remember sitting in the driveway when mom showed me that only she could control the haunted van. "Move up," she said. Up it went. "Now down," she continued. It lowered. I can't properly explain the terror that consumed me. And then the confusion that overtook my body. And finally, as she continued, becoming more and more obvious and more and more ridiculous with her instruction, the mortification that caused my ears to go red and my heart to stop.

"MOM!" I screamed, throwing my arms around her with relief. "You have to get Nick and Ryan with that!!"

Theeee End.