This is someone else's bro code. I've weeded many out. These are the ones that either a) made perfect sense, b) made me laugh or c) some other reason that is not to be questioned. enjoy.
Article 1: Bro's before Ho's
Article 2: A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are doing it
Article 3: If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown
Article 4: A Bro never divulges the of the Bro Code to a [hoe]. It is a scared document not to be shared with [hoes] for any reason...no not even that reason.
Article 5: whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.
Article 8: A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.
Article 10: A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a [hoe].
Article 11: A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first discoling an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furnititure. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are-in most cases, stuck in a doorway.
Article 13: All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman
Article 15: A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.
Article 16: A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series
Article 19: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says, "Dude, your sisters hot!"
Article 20: A Bro respects his Bros in the military because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass sex ways to sunday.
Article 21: A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.
Article 22: There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.
Article 24: When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may poition the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.
Article 25: A Bro doesnt let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name.
Article 26: Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.
Article 27: A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach
Article 29: If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40pm. Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.
Article 30: A Bro doesn't comparison shop.
Article 32: A Bro doesnt allow another Bro to get married until hes at least thirty
Article 33 When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional.
Article 35: A Bro never rents a chick flick
Article 38: Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin.
Article 39: When a Bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.
Article 40: Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."
Article 41: A Bro never cries (Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend right (only first time he retires))
Article 42: Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.
Article 43: A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.
Article 44: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro
Article 47: A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe
Article 49: When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I gotit," whether or not he's actually got it.
Article 50: If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.
Article 51: A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down
Article 52: A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably wouldn't kill him
Article 53: Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice
Article 55: Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.
Article 57: A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.
Article 58: A Bro doesn't grow a mustache
Article 59: A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive (Crazy expensive bail >(years you've been bros) x $100)
Article 60: A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and [hoe]. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.
Article 61: If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro's favourite sports team in a playoff scenario
Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks amoung Bros.
Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - desered or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
Article 70: A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.
Article 71: As a courtest to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.
Article 72: A Bro never spell-checks.
Article 73: When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.
Article 74: At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car infront of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.
Article 75: A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.
Article 76: If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic barry white-esque tone
Article 77: Bros don't cuddle
Article 81: A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros
Article 84: Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV.
Article 85: If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.
Article 86: When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.
Article 87: A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.
Article 88: If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.
Article 89: A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro
Article 91: If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call bim by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname
Article 93: Bros don't speak French to one another
Article 94: If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees
Article 96: Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire
Article 97: Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend
Article 99: A Bro never asks for directions when lost
Exception: A Bro may as for directions for a hot chick who seems to know the area
Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost
Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he is not lost at all.
Article 100: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.
Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.
Article 101: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave. This is what makes them Bros, not [hoes].
Article 102: A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.
Article 103: A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgrear plan and sticks with it.
Article 105: If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. Its cool. No big.
Article 40: Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."
Article 41: A Bro never cries (Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend right (only first time he retires))
Article 42: Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.
Article 43: A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.
Article 44: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro
Article 47: A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe
Article 49: When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I gotit," whether or not he's actually got it.
Article 50: If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.
Article 51: A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down
Article 52: A Bro is not required to remember another Bros birthday, though a phone call every now and again probably wouldn't kill him
Article 53: Even in a drought, a Bro flushes twice
Article 55: Even in an emergency that requires a tourniquet, a Bro never borrows from or lends clothes to another Bro.
Article 57: A Bro never reveals the score of a sporting event to another Bro unless that Bro has thrice confirmed he wants to hear it.
Article 58: A Bro doesn't grow a mustache
Article 59: A Bro must always post bail for another Bro, unless it's out of state or, like, crazy expensive (Crazy expensive bail >(years you've been bros) x $100)
Article 60: A Bro shall honor they father and mother, for they were once Bro and [hoe]. However, a Bro never thinks of them in that capacity.
Article 61: If a Bro for whatever reason becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.
Article 64: A Bro must provide his Bro with a ticket to an event if said event involves the latter Bro's favourite sports team in a playoff scenario
Article 65: A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks amoung Bros.
Article 66: If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than a 'that sucks, man' and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - desered or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.
Article 67: Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing, another Bro shall point out that he is a tool.
Article 70: A Bro will drive another Bro to the airport or pick him up, but never both for the same trip. He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his Bro's trip or general well-being.
Article 71: As a courtest to Bros the world over, a Bro never brings more than two other Bros to a party.
Article 72: A Bro never spell-checks.
Article 73: When a group of Bros are in a restaurant, each shall engage in the time-honored ritual of jockeying to pay the bill, regardless of affordability. When the group ultimately decides to divide the check, each Bro shall act upset rather that enormously relieved.
Article 74: At a red light, a Bro inches as close as possible to the rear bumper of the car infront of him, and then immediately honks his horn when the light turns green. That way if another Bro is several cars behind, he'll have a better chance of making it through the intersection before the light turns red again.
Article 75: A Bro automatically enhances another Bro's job description when introducing him to a chick.
Article 76: If a Bro is on the phone with a chick while in front of his Bros and, for whatever reason, desires to say "I love you" he shall first excuse himself from the room or employ a subsonic barry white-esque tone
Article 77: Bros don't cuddle
Article 81: A Bro leaves the toilet seat up for his Bros
Article 84: Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV.
Article 85: If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.
Article 86: When a Bro meets a chick he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her.
Article 87: A Bro never questions another Bro's stated golf score, maximum bench press, or height. He can however, ask the Bro to prove it, traditionally in the form of a wager.
Article 88: If a Bro, for whatever reason must drive another Bro's car, he shall not adjust the preprogrammed radio stations, the mirrors, or the seat position, even if this last requirement results in the Bro trying to drive the vehicle as a giant praying mantis would.
Article 89: A Bro shall always say yes in support of a Bro
Article 91: If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call bim by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname
Article 93: Bros don't speak French to one another
Article 94: If a Bro is in the bathroom and runs out of toilet paper, another Bro may toss him a new roll, but at no point may their hands touch or the door open more than 30 degrees
Article 96: Bros shall go camping once a year, or at least attempt to start a fire
Article 97: Where a Bro went to college is going to kick his Bro's college's ass all over the field this weekend
Article 99: A Bro never asks for directions when lost
Exception: A Bro may as for directions for a hot chick who seems to know the area
Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if she also appears lost
Exception: A Bro may ask for directions from a hot chick even if he is not lost at all.
Article 100: When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.
Corollary: If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall pull his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he's not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull them down to get a better look.
Article 101: If a Bro asks another Bro to keep a secret, he shall take that secret to his grave. This is what makes them Bros, not [hoes].
Article 102: A Bro shall take great care in selecting and training his wingman.
Article 103: A Bro never wears socks with sandals. He commits to one cohesive footgrear plan and sticks with it.
Article 105: If a Bro is not invited to another Bro's wedding, he doesn't make a big deal out of it, even if, let's face it, he was kind of responsible for setting up the couple and had already picked out the perfect wedding gift and everything. Its cool. No big.
Article 106: Given an option on quantity when ordering a beer with his Bros, a Bro alwas selects the largest size available or shall never hear the end of it that night
Article 107: A Bro never leaves another Bro hanging
Article 109: When Bros attend a sporting event and see themselves on the JumboTron, they shall purse their lips and flex their biceps while informing the crowd that their team is number one, despite any objective rankings to the contraty.
Article 111: If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random cntacts and then deleting all sent messages.
Article 112: A Bro doesnt sing along to music in a bar.
Exception: A Bro may participate in karaoke
Exception to exception: No chick songs
Article 115: A "clothing optional" beach doesn't really mean "clothing optional" for Bros
Article 117: A Bro never willingly relinquishes possession of a remote control. If another Bro desires a channel change, he may verbally request one or engage in the fools errand of getting up to manually change the channel
Article 118: When a Bro is with his Bros he is not a vegetarian
Article 119: When three Bros must share the backseat of a car, it is unacceptable for any Bro to put his arm around another Bro to increase space. Likewise, it is unacceptable for two Bros to share a motorcycle, unless said motorcycle is equipped with a sidecar...a Brotorcycle
Article 120: A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name
Article 121: Even if he's never skied before, a Bro doesn't trifle with the bunny slope.
Article 122: A Bro is always psyched. Always.
Article 123: Two Bros shall maintain at least a three-foot radius between them while dancing on the same floor, even when reenacting the knife fight from "Beat It" which, I guess, two Bros shouldn't do anyway, or at least not very often.
Article 124: If a Bro should shoot an air ball, strike out while playing softball, or throw a gutter ball while Bowling, he is required to make some sort of excuse for himself.
Article 125: If a Bro is driving ahead of another Bro in a Bro TRain, he is required to attempt to lose him in traffic as a funny joke.
Article 128: A Bro never wears two articles of clothing at the same time that bear the same school name, vacation destination or sports team. Even in a laundry emergency, its prefered that a Bro go out half naked rather than violate this code...half naked from the waist up, naturally.
Article 129: If a Bro lends another Bro a DVD, video game, or piece of laawn machinery, he shall not expect to ever get it back, unless his Bro happens to die and bequeath it back to him.
Article 130: If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic addident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.
Article 131: While a Bro is not expected to know exactly how to change a tire, he is required to at least drag out the jack and stare at the flat for a while. If he needs to consult the car's ownership manual to locate the jack, he shall do so from inside the car, where he is not visible to bassersby and where he can discreetly call a tow truck, after which it is recommended that he hide the jack by the side of the road so he'll have a legitimate excuse when the tow truck arrives.
Article 132: If a Bro decides to let all of his Bros down and get married, he is required to invite them to the wedding, even if this directly violates the wishes of his fiancée and results in a "no sex" penalty or whatever lame domestic punishment couples might employ
Article 133: A Bro only claims a fart after first accusing at least one other Bro.
Article 134: A Bro is entitled to use a woman as his wingman
Article 135: If a scenario arises in which a Bro has promised two of his Bros permanent shotgun, one of the following shall determine the copitot: (1) foot race to the car, (2) silent auction or in the case of a road trip exceeding 450 miles, (3) a no-holds-barred cage match to the death.
Article 136: When interrogated by a girlfriend about a bachelor party, a Bro shall offer nothing more than an uninterested "It was okay"
Article 137: When hosting, a Bro orders enough pizza for all his Bros
Article 138: A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin.
Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy.
Article 139: Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite the fact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro"
Article 140: A Bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date. (Lemon Law)
Article 141: A Bro can only get a manicure if (a) he's trying to sleep with the hot Asian woman performing the manicure, or (b) its been longer than a month since his last manicure. Its called the Bro Code, not the slob Code.
Article 142: A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out around his Bros and wakes up to find marker all over his face.
Article 143: When executing a high five a Bro is forbidden from intertwining fingers of grasping his Bro's hand
Article 144: It is unacceptable for two Bros to share a hotel bed without first exhausting all couch, cot, and pillows-on-floor combinations. If it's still unavoidable, they shall prevent any incidental spoonage by arm wresting to determine who sleeps under the covers. Once decided each Bro shall don as many lower layers as possible before silently fist bumping the other good night.
Article 145: A Bro is never offended if another Bro fails to return a phone call, text or email in a timely fashion
Article 147: If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has his Bro's back
Exception: If his Bro has picked a fight with a scary looking guy
Exception: If this is the third fight (or more) his Bro has gotten into that week)
Exception: If the Bro has a note from a physician excusing him from having anybody's back
Article 148: A Bro doesnt listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.
Article 149: A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars
No comments:
Post a Comment