Kelseytime

Kelseytime, is good time. If I've learned nothing else so far at college, it is how to be content while alone. I've always been so concerned about who I am with other people, as though their definition of my worth was the only one that mattered. I loved it, don't get me wrong. I loved pleasing people, so much that I pissed some people if only to gain the favor one. I put the contentment of others above my own sanity, and at times it blew up in my face. So this is one thing for which I am thankful this year. I've learned about myself. I got so sad in the beginning of first semester, when I had few friends and had more alone time than I knew how to handle. I constantly had that icky feeling in the pit of my stomach. That no-one-likes-me, why-does-everyone-have-something-to-do-but-me, how-long-will-I-live-without-friends feeling. I felt that feeling to be completely legitimate, while silly. I spent the last two years of high school constantly surrounded by people I loved, people I knew how to make happy, and therefore I was happy. College was a whole new ballgame; I had no one to make truly happy, and therefore I was miserable. What I've learned in these amazingly short five months is that I don't need to constantly be surrounded by others to be happy. I've learned to take a step back from being so busy. While I still love the buzz of friends, and I'll never be a homebody, I've learned to enjoy the simple time when I'm alone in my room or running in the arb or studying in the library. It's good to take a step back. It's healthy. It helps me to better asses situations. It helps me avoid the things that blow up in my face. Or, at least a few of them. Naps are okay. Reading is great. Sometimes you can do what you want to do and not worry about who is disappointed you're not out with the group--really they won't even notice you're gone. So today I am thankful for Kelseytime. Cause it's going to save my sanity my final four months of my freshman year.