birthdays

I am a mere 24 hours and 26 minutes from turning 19. That sounds old to me. Granted it's still a "teen," but it seems different. I used to always imagine my college self as a whole new woman. Ha, I would drink lots of tea/coffee, have numerous intellectual conversations, I'd be productive and involved. I'd be a grown up. This is not the college me. I'm still binging on chocolate, my conversations revolve around the weather, and I'm always distracted by facebook. The glowing college life I so looked forward to has turned out to be just life. It's a life I love, granted, but I just don't feel like a college kid. I feel like me--a me that's not quite 19. But I can't wait for cake :)

Hobbes got me down.

"Nothing is more easily broken than a man's word" -Thomas Hobbes. I'm not sure if I entirely agree with this little tidbit, but it certainly is interesting. It's easy to boast of being "a man of your word" when nothing is at stake, but what happens when you get tested? It's easy to waver. Extremely small scale example: today, I told myself I was going to run three miles. By the time I got to 2.5, I was a sweaty, panting mess and I figured, who's gonna care if I just stop now? It's not like this was set in stone. I'm still here, running. I did most of the work. Who cares what "I said" I would do. There I was, fully capable of finishing, but fully willing to go back on my word with just that bit of opposition--a little fatigue and I was ready to give it up. Sometimes, it's not just fatigue that tests the strength of our word. Sometimes we're faced with much more. And we figure really, what is possibly hurt from changing your mind? A little respect? Sometimes not even that. And in comparison to the challenges and tests with which we're faced, do we really hold the value of our word more highly than things we cherish--our reputation, our ambition, our well-being, our life? I believe that every man has a breaking point. Every man has a point where his word no longer means a thing. We reach a point where we're ready to deny our word, everything we are, if only to achieve our goals. We are only human, after all. It's all a matter of being pushed. Maybe it's the fourth, or fifth, or even sixth mile. Maybe it's a secret waiting to be spilled. Maybe it's more. I'd like to find a man whose word isn't easily broken. I'd like to find a man who proves Hobbes' pessimistic view of human nature false. Because if he's right, then how can we live with one another, how can we look each other in the eye, convinced there is something more important than self-interest?

Who am I kidding..I won't sleep for awhile.

When I was in first grade, I went through a spell where I would get a headache virtually every day. It was brutal (\m/). Every day I would tell Miss Ungamacht (worst teacher ever, by the way) that my head hurt, and every day she would tell me (essentially) to go get a glass of water and get over it. Right now, I have one of my worst headaches since 1st grade. I've consumed 6 water bottles full of H2O in the last few hours. Miss Ungamacht, you're wrong. I need some advil.

on sleeping in

I slept until 3 p.m. today. That used to be pretty normal for me on a Saturday. Noon was early, two was average--there was no reason to get up in the "morning." A days slept through was a day well spent. However, today I felt (yes, felt) as though I'd wasted the whole day away, just like mom and dad always told me I did. Either they've always been right, or I'm wrong today. Ultimately, I've only been up for 11 hours..good luck to me getting to sleep now.

Counting my blessings

I have been supremely blessed in my life. I say that all the time--at interviews, in discussions and reflections. In fact, I use the line so often and in so many variations that I sometimes lose sight of what it means to be supremely blessed. I forget how it feels to be completely and utterly overwhelmed by God's grace and every good thing he provides. It is so easy for me to spout the words, "hey, I'm blessed," and then get caught up in hardships and drama which I know have the tendency to pass. The cool thing about blessings--they're not something you "get through." I've found they penetrate time. They're the stuff you fall back on and the stuff that spurs you on to more and richer blessings throughout life. Friends (or just me), today I am overwhelmed by God's grace, and today I remember how it feels to be supremely blessed. So I'm going to document it. Not because I think it'll be interesting, but because I know how easy it is to forget. So read on, if you'd like. Or if you're in fact me, read on if you're forgetting how blessed you are.

First and foremost, I was and still am blessed with wonderful parents. These two darling 50 year olds who nag about my messy room and the fact that I don't text them back daily, they are the same two who loved me enough to have me baptized me as a mere babe and who welcomed me into God's family. I have been blessed with the love and support of the man who literally cries (in anger) over spilled milk yet absolutely spoils me rotten and of the woman who can hardly understand how to turn on a computer yet possesses all the knowledge of love and care in the world. I have been blessed with two built-in role models, and I can only hope for them to rub off on me.

I have been blessed with the brothers who would not stand for me to grow up a wimpy girl--and I truly thank the Lord for that. For the older brother who gave me stitches from too much rough play and for the little brother who hangs on my every word (whether or not that is good for him), I could not be more grateful.

I've been blessed with friends--the real kind. Not many people can say they have what I have. I have two best friends who will be with me until the bitter end--even if I temporarily feel as though we're far apart. If I say the word, they'd be there. They fill me to the brim with laughter and love. As I 9 year old I could not have possibly imagined how God would use them in my life. I fully expect to live with elephants and anvils, superheroes and singalongs for as long as I live.

I've been blessed with role models. I've had teachers I've sworn to mimic and friends who remind me what's right. Most amazingly, my life has been blessed by a mentor, pseudo-big brother, and friend who demonstrates the love of Jesus in every action and whose pride and love I strive to earn and keep. Center of the universe? Maybe not. But definitely the most influential and real example of a man of God that I've seen demonstrated in this life. Having those footsteps to even attempt to walk in--that's a blessing.

I've been blessed with a brain. I'm no rocket-scientist or surgeon, but God has given me the ability to think for myself, to be excited by knowledge, and to engage in conversation on meaningful topics. And I've been blessed with opportunity to use my brain and to develop my still naive view of the world. College was always the plan, and this is a blessing I often take or granted. Brainpower is a blessing.

I've been blessed with a healthy body which allows me to tai chi and potentially run marathons. I've been blessed with a voice which allows me to sing along with the radio and speak my mind. I've been blessed with an amazing home with a great big old flagpole which represents the amazing blessing of this land of opportunity and freedom and unity. I've been blessed by chicken wings and chocolate, with successes and with failures, with kindergarten soccer games and high school show choir, with love and with loss, with laughter and the occasional tear. I've been blessed with constant reminders of Christ's love. And seeing these blessings, knowing this love, allows only one option--to reflect this love and use this recognition to help others. For this I will strive, and my earnest prayer will remain for the opportunity to be the blessing to others that others have been to me, and for the courage and the strength to take on these opportunities with zeal. I thank the Lord for He has given me so much more than I deserve. I have been supremely blessed. This is not just a flippant statement used in an interview; this is not just a line that flows decently in an introduction letter. This is my reminder of everything my God has done for me and continues to do today; this is my recognition of joy.

thoughts on platypi and toothpaste for x-SiMpLe-x

Bad breath is like platypus venom. Did you know that platypi are venomous creatures? You wouldn't unless you got super close--and it got ya. The same goes for bad breath I believe. You've got attractive people, good personalities, but get close--bam. It gets ya, and you wish you'd never been enticed by the beautifully interesting platypus in the beginning. Bad breath ruins relationships, and brings great acquaintanships to a rearing halt. Who wants to kiss a venomous platypus? Not I. A kid with bad breath? Me neither. So brush your teeth, friends (I prefer my aquafresh orange toothpaste..but whatever works for you). Cause otherwise you won't be going indoors for a very, very long time.

From the desk of the supreme ruler of Athens:

I'm going to start off doing a little bit of explaining because otherwise nothing I say will make much sense at all. Alright. We've been playing this game in politics class. It's kinda screwy--we go around pretending we live in Athens in 403 B.C., and we all have a specific political role we stick to...good things. Anyway, my role? I was to overtake Athens and rule it as a tyrant. I told you, screwy. Today(the last day of the game) though, got super weird. It basically turned into abandoning principles in order to "win," which really doesn't matter at all. Mass chaos, I'm telling you. The long and short of it is that I somehow ended up as supreme ruler of Athens--yeah, I won. Crazy. And so not worth all the lying and cheating and coercing I did the last couple weeks.

My first instinct as leader of Athens? I killed six people. Not literally, don't fret. But I sentenced people to death! I took it back merely seconds later...but really! I was pissed at people who didn't support me during the game, and I had power--therefore I killed. What kind of a person does that make me? Power truly blurred my principles--stupid fake power even! Funny I guess. The way other people acted too, which I won't go into in detail, was funny, for lack of a better word. Questions of human nature were raised in my mind..but I'm tired so maybe I'll talk about that some other day. Maybe not though. I haven't had the mind to be deep lately...

FUN fact of the day!

I learned the drinking on St. Patrick's day originated as a way to disrespect and make fun of the Irish! So my trip to the library instead of to parties was really me respecting my Irish ancestors, and they WOULD, in fact, be proud!

Also, I got to run outside today! So great!