I recently arrived at school from spring break. I am alone in my apartment, which is really my favorite part about right now. I'm frustrated with myself because I literally haven't even been here for an hour and I already want to leave. It's silly and dumb, but I just want to be done with school. I get like this every so often. And I complain and it's super annoying to listen to myself. And then I suck it up. And life goes on. And I learn to be happy. Because I like being happy, I really do. Blah. I just need to find reason right now. That's not to say there isn't reason. I'm just preventing myself from seeing it I guess.

Scratch that. I'm no longer alone.

I would really like some spring. Really really. The ability to be outside and not be grossed out by the cold and the snow would be awesome.

That's why Texas was so nice. It was spring weather and people were happy and kind.

I'm really sick of overthinking my life. I need to let go and let God do His work.

What I really want is a friend. A friend who is here. I have friends, don't get me wrong. But I'm also new and I don't have my friend. One that depends on me and vice versa. One with whom I can talk to about anything and nothing forever and have adventures and just be. Without overanalyzation. Just a friend. Yeah that'd be nice.

And then there's Idaho. I just want it to be now. But then with all of this--the wanting to leave winter and going to Idaho and blah just all of it--I feel like I'm just trying to escape. And what I'm trying to escape, I don't know. Because my life is pretty dang great. I'm just so frazzled by change and responsibility and the tiny strokes of growing up that I'm experiencing that I want to go somewhere where I can simply be. But if I did that, then I'd have my same problem because I wouldn't want to deal with that change either. Anyway, I've figured out I'm trying to escape. And that's not cool. Maybe it's a good thing not to go to Arizona.

This is a misguided post. And a rather downer. Meh. I'm good, I'm just discouraged by the end of spring break I suppose. And I'm feeling alone. I really hate being alone. But I know I'm not. God is steadfast. And He loves me even though I'm so far from deserving of it. I'm just kind of hoping he sends me a hug today.