It's been awhile.

Thoughts:

1-Hey! I can blog again! Thanks, mac!

2-I ate eggs right out of the frying pan today. This must be what it feels like to be a bachelor.

3-I have to sing in Italian today. And I've finally had enough life experiences where I actually know what the composer feels in the music. Roger would be proud.

4-I want to go see Kristen. But I don't think that will be possible. Unless I figure out how to bus there. Hmmmm.

5-I just looked up a bus schedule. Boom.

6-I will be done with half my college experience in a month. Wahoo!

7-I will be in Idaho soon after that!!

8-I am antsy. And I keep thinking that once I check the next thing off my list this feeling will subside. But it never works. I just move on the the next thing and get antsy again.

9-I'm a little annoyed about mattresses.

10-iasilwy

11-I will not see Anna or Sarah before I leave this summer. This makes me sad on the inside.

12-Also, I'm a little nervous to not talk to anyone for 8 weeks. Crazy.

13-Summer could not possibly have been 8 months ago.

14-My foot is asleep.

15-This post should end now because the consciousness has stopped streaming. And thus any other thoughts I might record would no longer be a stream of consciousness.

16-Bye now.

Hello. I've been kind of a downer lately. I've been confused and generally sad. Which is unfortunate. There is so much good in my life. Literally everything is good. I can't actually think of a bad thing. Yet I'm dreary. It's so silly. See, every time I get bummed, something new and awesome springs up. I feel like God's saying, "Hey Kels, look. Remember how much I've given you? Get excited!" I do remember. I am very blessed. I need only to be happy. And I am. I really and truly am. I'm excited and I have joy. Yet that's not all I have. I wish I weren't so conflicted about this. It's like I like to be sad or something. Why else would I be anything but glad? Life is wonderful. God is so good.

This really was a coherent thought in my head. In fact, I saved it for last because I thought I could make something out of it. Ha, unfortunately not. Sorry.

aza part 2

Last year when I got home from choir tour in Arizona, I wrote down a list of things I learned there. (That is list can be found here: http://forapoint.blogspot.com/2010/04/aza.html...if you're strangely interested.) I just got back from Arizona again. And while I was only there a combined two days, I still learned things. And thought things. Anyway here are my reflections of sorts..

Firstly, I learned that it would be totally possible for me to live on the road. Driving and riding I am completely 100% content. But I also learned that I would not want to drive through Nebraska or New Mexico. Not very pretty. Ha, there's gotta be something wrong with me though. I drove to and from Texas not even two weeks ago and then went back for another 28 hours. I don't know what I'll do when I realize I don't have another road trip to look forward to. Drivespoiled. That's what I am.

Second is that I really love people. I get super self-conscious that I make bad impressions and I'm easily intimidated, but I'm learning that people love to be valued and appreciated. And it's a really cool thing to do the appreciating. God really does give people some pretty awesome talents and qualities. And I am so blessed to experience them.

It's okay to be lost. To run down twisty roads in the dark and to be a little afraid. It makes your appreciate being found. Hey, sometimes when you get found, you wish you were lost again. Being lost is important. It makes you think and figure stuff out. It makes you stop and be confused a bit. That's healthy. Consider. Determine. Act. Don't get stressed. You can't stay lost forever. Even if you never find your way back, you at least become familiar with your surroundings.

Kids are beyond cool, man. This five year old ball of energy reminded me how much joy there is in life. As much as I want to teach the big kids...I can't really imagine not having a kindergartener someday.

In other news:

851 is a very, very big number.

Reading is wonderful.

Dads are cool people.

Lizards and adventure are vital to life.

Self control is important.

Don't hate, appreciate! Especially when you don't know why you're mad.

God's rage is beautiful. Imagine what is love looks like. Obviously too profound to be my own thought.

Too much of anything can become exhausting.

Always. Always ask questions.

Take advantage of airplane conversations.

Deep breaths and smiling are key.

If you haven't noticed, I've gotten too lazy to expound on each of these.

Minnesota. You and I. We've seen better days in our relationship. I realize I've been neglecting you the last year or so. I was thinking about it, and I've truly never been more places in such a short period of time in my life. Since just about exactly a year ago, I've been to Arizona, California, Colorado, Virginia, Wisconsin, Iowa, Texas, and Arizona again...plus Missouri, Oklahoma, Nebraska, and New Mexico if you count driving through. Kinda crazy for someone who considered herself a non-traveler...anyway. Minnesota, looking at all this freezing rain, can you blame me for leaving? Soon and very soon I get to make my escape again--venturing off into the wilderness of beautiful Idaho. Cannot wait. And I cannot say that enough. I used to think that I'd live in Minnesota forever. I like my four seasons, I'm comfortable here and don't really jump at the opportunity for change (plus the school system is pretty tops). But someday, I might just go for good. Who's coming with me?

Hyellow! I am sitting in the airport and giving you something to read. IFLYBTB!

i do...not know what the point of this post is.

So I've been saying for the last week or two that marriage is the absolute last thing I want with my life. And I think I should write a few sentences just so if/when I decide I'm crazy or want to figure out what I was thinking...I'll be able to look back. Or something. Maybe I just had a thought. That's more likely. Anyway.

I think that marriage is a beautiful gift from God. And it's always been the plan. Get married, have my 4 kids (Because I believed I was made to be a mother. Who knows, I might still be.) But after relentless discussions and considerations in class and in conversations and in my brain, marriage scares me more than anything in the world right now. People say that there are so many ways to screw up parenting; well I think there are so many ways to screw up a marriage. And that kind of pain is not something I want to cause and not something I want to experience. But today I realized that I am wishing to be alone. And it's not cool for me to determine God's plan for me so early. What do I know of what's in store? So anyway, if it's His will, I hope I do get to experience the whole marriage thing and I hope it is a blessing. But I have such a long way to go before I'm ready to be a good wife for anyone. Because right now the more I think about it, all I get is terrified. And if it happens, it's going to be a big deal, because getting married means that I will be okay with these fears. Not that they will have dissipated, but I will be confident they have the propensity to be overcome.

Anyway. This was a silly post. But it was on my mind.

Conclusion: If I grow old and live with my dogs, awesome. I will consider myself blessed.

If I grow old with a husband whom I love, awesome. I will consider myself blessed. But talk to me about that when I'm not so jaded.

Grrrr Kelsey

Tonight I had plans. Fun plans even. And I laid down for a five minute nap that turned into 5 hours. Thus I did not have my plans or do my homework. Or pack for Arizona. And I am extremely exhausted. I dislike being such a good sleeper. I wish I were a good awaker.