Yesterday I talked a lot about intentionality. And values and strengths. And it was really really great. It was the best refocusing I've done in quite awhile. And since I haven't been journaling and my computer is right here. I'm going to process. Bear with me.
Strengths:
I don't know how many people have used strengthsquest, but it seems to be all people talk about lately, so I will too a bit. Basically strengthsquest is a personality profile, but I like it better. I focuses of themes of strengths. There are 34 of them, but they only give you your top five--they don't want you to focus on things you're less good at. Your top five strengths are what you're supposed to focus on, because you can do them better than people who don't have them. Anyway, people get super hung up on them. I'm not sure how much weight I give this test, but mine anyway:
1. Achiever--People especially talented in the Achiever theme have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
I thought it was interesting that this is my top strength. Because I am often one to blow responsibilities(school/emails/homework) off to go and do something I'd rather do (nap/hang out/etc). But I think it is true. I take a lot of joy in really finishing something and doing it right. I work for goals, big ones, but I also tend to pic challenges I know I can overcome so that I get that feeling of accomplishment. I'd like to think I'm driven. But really, I think I'm driven to a point. When I know I can't achieve something, I really do shut down. Maybe that's why.
2. Maximizer-People especially talented in the Maximizer theme focus on strengths as a way to stimulate personal growth and group excellence. They seek to transform something especailly talented into something superb.
Personally, this is the strength I see most in myself. Because I'm rarely satisfied with good. I really love to work with people to help them achieve more. Probably why I want to teach... Excellence is what I look for and I know how to make someone's good better. I love seeing how others are great and letting them know. And then pushing them harder. Ha, I see this working at valleyfair and at camp and with friends and etc. Anyway...
3.Learner-People especially talented in the Learner theme have a great desire to learn and want to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites them.
I think this one is interesting because I want to know little bits about everything, yet I have no desire to be really proficient in just one thing. I want to learn everything so I can have conversations with people about everything--why would I want to know too much that I can't talk to anyone? Anyway, that's just a little tangent...Ha, also the reason I can't pick a major. Mainly I love to learn form other people--to listen to experiences and ideas and see what I can take from it. There are people I could sit and listen to literally all day, and they know it. The world has so much in it, and I want to learn it all.
4. Competition--People especially talented in the Competition theme measure their progress against the performance of others. They strive to win first place and revel in contests.
I've always thought of this one as my biggest weakness. Being competitive pushes me to do my best, sure. It helps me achieve, definitely. But it also helps me hurt people sometimes. I get so wrapped up in competition that I fail to enjoy life. Which is why I've been consciously dropping different urges to compete lately. I just don't know about this one.
5. Belief- People especially talented in the Belief theme have certain core values that are unchanging. Out of these values emerges a defined purpose for their life.
This is the most rare strength of the 34. It's also my favorite. Because my beliefs and values should and do direct my life. They are the reason for the decisions I make daily and they give me purpose. God is my strength, I feel like this follows.
That was longer than I intended, but I'm going to keep truckin.
Values
I know I have core values, but I never really take time to evaluate them. But we had to, and it was very difficult to whittle it down. Finally I ended up with faith, connection (family/friends), adventure/discovery (nature, innovation, fun, and recognition), influence (leadership, volunteering), and learning (about self and others), integrity, and fun. This sort was really difficult for me, and I cheated by putting some under the others, but it made me think about what really is important to me, what I care about, what I actually want in my life, and what gives me purpose. I have to be more honest and aware of what I value so that I can better base my decisions in my life. I think that sometimes I focus on the values I think I should have instead or that others I respect have. But if I'm going to commit my life to the things that are important to me, they better be the things that are important to me.
I'm getting close, don't worry.
Next is vocation. Frederick Buechner defines vocation as "the place where your hear's deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet. Vocation has been big for me lately. I really want to have purpose and I get really upset when people tell me that the things I love aren't worth it because they'll never be marketable or whatever else. I need purpose in my life, or I won't live properly. I don't think anyone would. I want my career to be something I'm deeply passionate about. Maybe that will put me not in the "real world" (look at those quotes), but I simply don't care. If the real world is me hating my job and just getting through life, I don't want to be there. That's no way to live. I know that some people have to do it, and I'm pretty spoiled to think I need differently, but I'm at least going to search for something bigger.
So what is my heart's deep gladness? I'll tell you:
Jesus.
Kids.
Making others glad.
Seeing other's succeed.
Sharing love.
Being outside.
Family.
Learning.
Adventure.
Pushing boundaries.
Laughter.
Music.
Hard work.
And what is the world's deep hunger? Well.
Love.
Education.
Justice.
Wellness.
Communication.
Understanding.
Hope. Especially hope.
Joy.
How do they meet? I'm still working on that one. I already feel judged. Heck, I'm judging myself. I feel like an idealist and just really young. But I need to think on this stuff. Because this is what I actually get excited about. Whether it's real or possible or simply not.
Time. This is my last big thing. Henry Van Dyke says, "Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity." I don't think we're ever satisfied with the time we're given. No matter what our situation, time is always going to fast or too slow, it's always too short or too long. There's never enough time. Time is crawling by. We're just not satisfied. What I'm realizing more and more is that I have the perfect amount of time. God's love is perfect. He gives me all the time I need. He puts be in a place for a certain time so that I may learn the most about him and about myself and others around me. So do I have enough time? Yes. But do I need to learn how to be more intentional with that time? Absolutely. I need to know what I have time for, what I want to spend my time on. And that goes back to my values and vocation and even strengths. Because I'm tired of wasting time. Whatever that means.
So I was asked to think about three questions, which I will answer here. The first: What do I want to take time for? What do I want to be intentional about?
Easy. School. I push it off way too much. I go to class all the time but never take time to process and really learn it, which is sad because I love learn. I need to take time for myself--caring about myself and learning to be an adult, and even appreciating myself. I need to take time with relationships and enjoying being here. I need to spend time not wishing time away. But I also need to take time to figure out what I need, especially here and not here and making decisions. Most importantly, I need to make time for God, who has given me the time I have.
Second: What don't I have time for.
I don't have time for Facebook. Worrying if people like me. Naps, probably. Complaining and downer-ness. I need to instead take time for joy.
Third. How do my values align with how I spend my time?
I wish they would more. I need to be more intentional with my time because more and more I just go through the motions until I hit meltdown stage. The things I plan and set apart time for, the ones where I'm helping people and being intentional--those do align. And those make me glad. Those give me deep joy.
That was a lot of processing. I don't know if I got anywhere. Or if I sounded dumb. But I know that I feel much better than I did yesterday when I was perpetually hitting a wall. Happy tuesday, bloggy-blog. Stay classy.
